Until You Heal
by 6ea
Summary: Eren and Levi broke up five years ago with no intention of anything more than the occasional text to wish the best. However, Eren returns later with tragic news, leaving Levi unable to watch another man hold the only person he loves most. Fights break out, feelings ignite, jealousy uncovers.
1. Prologue

**Authors Note:**

Chapter rewritten 6/7/18.

* * *

Today was in no way, shape or form a peculiar day. The Oregon sun shone every now and again through gray clouds, with a constant light sprinkle that left puddles on every crosswalk. It was humid enough to wear a t-shirt, but still chilly that it was smart to wear thick ankle socks. In fact, Levi wasn't even content wearing a t-shirt, and instead wore his usual business attire on his daily commute to work. Of course, he had a car, and as much as he'd love to abuse his heater, waste gas and get fat, he decided to take this time to stop and get a cup of tea from the local coffee shop and scroll through his phone before his shift started.

Rolling his wrist, he checked the time, 7:13am, and had at least 20 minutes before he had to resume his slow paced walk. Until then, this black tea had his name on it (literally) and he refused to move from the stool that sat near the cafe window.

Be it his horrible obsession to know the truth, he was currently fighting off the edge on his teeth to check his ex-fiances' profile, as he did every morning, and as every morning, it was a futile attempt. Finding the name Eren Jaeger under his recent searches, he clicked it, and scrolled shortly down.

Eren hadn't uploaded anything new in a while, nor had he been tagged in anything, and this worried Levi for numerous reasons. First, because Eren had run off five years ago without much information of where he was going, or the strange man he was going to live with. From his profile, though, Levi collected he was in a relationship with some kid, with two-tone dirty blond and dark brown hair, although they never updated their relationship status to show it, and the kid, named Jean, had his profile completely shut down private.

It seemed like Eren was always up to something, though, and if it wasn't Mikasa tagging him in something, it was Armin, and if it wasn't those two, it was their mutual friend Hanji Zoe who would constantly share copy and pasted chainmail on everyone's wall, but even she had been rather quiet lately—possibly because Eren wasn't responding to any of it anymore.

Levi hadn't thought much about it, though, seeings as it wasn't his place anymore. For a moment or two, here and there, he considered shooting his ex-fiance a quick text, just to confirm he was alright. Every time Hanji had talked him out of it though, and gave him a look resulted in him usually handing over his phone to her.

The ebony Rolex on his wrist chirped, reminding him that his 20 minutes were up, and he took only a moment longer as he finished off his tea and admired bright, jade eyes beaming on his phone, a lanky brunet with his arms around his two closest friends. They all grinned at the camera, save for Mikasa, who only offered a subtle smile, and held her drink glass up with cheer.

Closing Facebook, Levi disposed of his empty cup, and popped his headphones back in before stuffing his phone back into his pocket. The cashier had said something, probably telling him to have a good day, so he nodded his head silently in her direction and left the shop feeling as unostentatious as he did every other day. That was how he liked it though; it gave no room for anyone to become another inconvenient obstacle in his life, not that he didn't enjoy company, and frankly Levi was generally talkative when he wanted to be. It was, however, the fact that remained, he was horribly awkward, even worse so when it came to strangers.

Hanji, or Zoe, as he liked to call her, was his closest contact and co-worker. They had met in high school, and she had been the one who introduced him to his only lover. Together they had made a great trio, and the level of eccentricness lowered a tier from Hanji when it came to Eren. Somehow they found a way to tolerate each other, but now that Eren was gone, it left Levis' nerves shaken most times he interacted with her. Not to say she wasn't a great friend, but her alcoholic behavior and desire to party clashed with his interests; though they usually comprised here and there some nights with cheap Chinese food and terrible late night talk shows.

Like Zoe, Isabel was a co-worker, and Levi hadn't known her as long, but they made a decent team when it came to late night paperwork. If the boss, Erwin, was in town, she was the first to let Levi know, and if Erwin was out, Isabel would do him the favor of clocking him in and letting him get a few more hours of sleep. Her attitude was much like Levi's, but she still always seemed on a caffeine rush, and probably always was given she kept a coffee machine at the reception desk where she sat all day.

There were other faces here and there, but Levi didn't spare much time for them, granted he hardly had any time for himself anymore. Bills had to be paid, not that he was stressing for money. It was quite the opposite actually, as he'd rented a cheap apartment on a decent side of town, commuted to work instead of paying for gas, and rarely lavished himself with luxuries. The only thing he was willing to blow money on was quality cleaning supplies, and his favorite toiletries.

No social life, no dating, and no need for life's finest things, he had enough money saved up to quit his job and relocate-that was, once he got over his overwhelming fear of being in an unfamiliar place. Routine was vital to Levi's life. Sometimes he wondered how Eren had the courage to just up and leave like he did, but he thought less and less about it as time went on.

When he arrived at the skyscraping building downtown, appropriated named 'Smith Co.' after the world's most boring man alive, he was greeted by Isabel, who motioned for him, and he removes his earbuds.

"Morning," his voice is still hoarse from sleep.

Like always, her bright red hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail, and a lace band is holding back the rest of her choppy bangs that aren't long enough. Isabel hated wearing dresses, but for work Erwin requested she does, and frankly, Levi thought she looked quite nice in the white, knee-length sundress she was wearing.

"Blessed be this morning," she responds dramatically, holding a steaming mug in her hand, waving the other around it. "For I have discovered fire-fire, that make'th water boil-for you do know, what boiling water, is for?"

"That all sounded like a bunch of bullshit, just give me my tea."

"You're no fun," she groans, handling the warm cup over to Levi. "Anyway, good news. The boss isn't in, and won't be back for a few weeks. Wink, wink."

That meant more sleep and less work.

"Why is that?" Thin brows furrow as he blows the steam from his mug.

"Dunno, some briefcase-business shit, I guess." Isabel sinks back into her rolling chair, and spins idly as she resumes, "All I know is I'm not needed, and I'm going to be getting some paid sleep time until further notice."

"You do realize it's your job to make sure no trench coat shooter waltzes in and blows all of our brains out, right?" Silver eyes squint irritably, but by all means he is joking, and she knows this. "Is that just like, not a huge issue for you?"

"Hey, worst case scenario, you all get a month off to mourn my death." Red brows raise, and she waves a finger at Levi as her chair spins to face him again. "So, you're welcome."

"If I ever run this place, I'm firing you first."

"We both know you would rather shoot yourself before getting stuck in this paper pushing foundry for the rest of your grumpy life."

Levi simply snorts at this.

"I have to get to work."

"Ugh, fine." Isabel groans, flipping the switch that unlocks the doors leading to the workers cubicles. "It's not fair, you guys all get to sit together, and I'm stuck back here talking to the walls all day."

"We're working," Levi corrects her. "Which you should probably try once and a while."

Before Levi exits the room, he can hear the redhead shout, "Miss me with that weak shit!" before the door closes and locks again, and he chuckles into his mug, finding his desk in the center of the room.

Before he can even sit his cup down, there's an arm thrown around him. It's like another Isabel had formed out of thin air, except this one was taller and much louder. Stronger, too, Levi thought as his shoulder tensed under the tight grasp.

"Top of the morning!" She feigns an Irish accent, before propping herself onto Levi's desk. "You're looking especially dull today."

"As opposed to?" He drawled, slumping into his chair and turning his computer on.

"Pissed off?" Zoe scoffs. "Like you're thirsty for blood, you vampire."

"I wouldn't suck the blood of any zombie in this place."

"Yeah, well, blood is blood." Her amber eyes are already glued to her phone, as per usual.

"So, about what time today were you thinking of getting your fat ass off of my desk?"

"Thanks, I've been doing squats," she emphasized by shaking her ass as she hops off. "Anyway, before we get into this back and forth play pretend, as if you don't _love_ me, I gotta show you something."

"I don't want to see that video of the dog puking up balloons again."

Hanji cackles at this, ending in a horrible snort.

"That was a good video," she says, distracted by her phone again. Finally, she finds what she's looking for with a loud "ah-hah!" and hands Levi the phone, "Eren texted me. I didn't know what to make of it."

Hastily, he observes the screen, his gray eyes flickering back and forth as he scrolled through the messages.

 **[From: Eren]**

hey, zo… have u talked to levi lately?

 **[To: Eren]**

erday son you know thas my boo. why whats up?

 **[From: Eren]**

is he workn today

 **[To: Eren]**

yea i think so? i'll check when i get to work

is everything ok?

 **[From: Eren]**

uh... its ok

i dont know if its a good idea

but i was thinking of stopping by

just needed to talk to him

idk... i'll txt u later

need to think

 **[To: Eren]**

woah ok kiddo, you know how to reach me

i'm here if you need to talk

 **[From: Eren]**

thx zo…

The timestamp read that it was sent last night, around midnight.

Unadmittedly, his heart was hammering in his chest. Returning her phone, he just stared forward with knit brows and his lips open, but nothing came out until he shook his head and met Hanji's worried stare.

"I… I don't know what to say about it, either. Should I text him?"

"No!" She cries, offended. "You know we have a blood pact! I'm not supposed to tell you stuff about Eren, just like I don't tell Eren stuff about you. I'm the middle man here, not a messenger."

The ravenet sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his thin nose. Suddenly his head was aching, and a million thoughts crossed his mind, all containing a hint of Eren Jaeger, and he hated it. It had been five years since they last saw one another, and even though Levi was still hopeful of Eren's return, or some other fantasy, he was always doubtful it was a good thing to see Eren again.

"You okay, kiddo?"

Zoe ruffles his hair, drawing his attention back.

"I'll be fine," he lets the annoying gesture slide. "I just want to do some work right now."

"I won't bug you anymore," she reassures him, taking a step back from his cubicle. "But you know where my desk is, alright?"

When he nods, she dismisses herself with a soft pat to the top of his cubicle.

There was no way that Levi was going to let his mind wonder uncontrollably like this, not after years of trying to rebalance his mental health. Glaring at his computer, he put his earbuds back in and found the most vulgar, loud song he could find on his placelist before setting his phone down by his keyboard, face up, just in case.

The music was aggressive enough to filter Levi's feelings of anger, and he redirected it through memorized lyrics. His work was simple, all he had to do was skim a few emails, write up a summary of it, debunk whatever deal the business wanted and negotiate if the stocks would benefit the company or not.

Not everyone was allowed to do this, but it was a special request Erwin tasked him with. Luckily for Levi, when it came to math, he was a whiz, and had only ever had 16 failed stocks out of the hundreds he'd invested their company into.

For two hours he sat at his desk repeating this process, and the only downside was that every exchange he made, he had to print a copy of it for legal reasons. Once he had a couple hundred stacked up, he requested a copy and stuffed his phone back in his pockets, headphones in as he found his way to the copy room.

A security guard sat idly on his phone, on the opposite side of the room where a wall of TVs stacked, and all of the footage played live in grainy, dull color. For a moment he half expected to see Eren at Isabel's reception desk, but shook his head before the paranoia bubbled up too high.

Looking at his phone instead, he wasted a few minutes as the machines whirred, and the hundreds of warm papers stacked up.

 _What a waste of trees_ , he thought once all of his copies were made.

Now the extra fun part was going through every single page, signing it with his signature, stamping Erwin's approval stamp, stapling the duo pages together and putting each individual document in it's own manila folder. A sigh escaped his lips as he trudged back to his desk, deaf to the world and his eyes focused on the print of the first page.

Slumping back into his chair, he set the large stack down, picked up a pen and combed his fingers through his hair one last time before his fingers locked up from all of this damn signing.

As if he wasn't slammed as it was, it only annoyed him more when someone gently tapped his shoulder. Without looking up from his papers, he removed an earbud, breathing out an irritated, "What?"

"Uh, uhm."

"Do you need something or are you just here to suck up whatever remaining oxygen is left in this place?"

"Y-Yeah," the little voice whispered. "I need something."

"Leave it with Isabel," he grumbled. "I'm busy."

With that, he put his headphone back in.

"Levi!" The voice hollered over his music, and the last thing Levi expected was a rough palm to shove his shoulder, knocking his pen out of his hand. Nearly being knocked out of his chair, he stands up with all intention to knock the owner of said voice straight on their ass.

Until he saw angry emerald eyes glaring daggers at him, and whatever breath was left in his lungs had deflated like a popped tire. Suddenly he felt stiff, like his neck couldn't move, but he could feel the unmistakable feeling of everyones' eyes on him. _Small_. He felt small, and wanted to apologize instantly, but more so he just wanted to bolt from the room as fast as his legs could handle, curl up into a ball in the middle of the highway and wait for the sweet relief of his mangled body parts scattering all over Oregon.

 _That was dark_ , Levi judged himself.

With a scowl, Eren grabbed both earbuds from the meeting point and ripped them out of Levi's ears. Now that Levi thought about it, though, that scowl was beginning to look more like a quivering lip and wrinkled chin. Faery pool eyes were obstructed by nappy chocolate hair, curling against his face and casting a shadow over unreadable eyes, hidden behind thick framed glasses.

"Sorry," he rolls his headphones up, and them on his desk, along with his phone. "You startled me."

The brunet simply sighs, suddenly crumpling a bit as his shoulders droop, and he holds his elbow before looking down and away.

"This was a bad idea."

It was nice to hear that voice again, but it was so unrecognizable. The usual chipper, boyish voice Eren could fool an angel was replaced with this hoarse, garbled and trembling. Eren was breathing loudly, mostly through his mouth, and mostly in quick inhales and slow exhales.

It took Levi that long to realize Eren was crying.

Now he felt more so like a fucking idiot just standing there, staring like a deer in headlights.

"Eren," he finally finds his voice, although weak. Cautiously Levi extends a hand, curling his fingers around the small hand attempting to cover up the mess unfolding. "Eren, look at me."

"L-Levi…!" A weak voice sobbed as his knees buckled.

Warm hands clasp tightly over the ravenets' and pulled suggestively. Before Eren could unwravel any further, the ravenet quickly follows the motion, wrapping his arms tightly around the thin frame that weighed heavily against his chest. It wasn't unusual for Levi not to care what his co-workers thought, but he felt moderately sheepish as Eren pulled him to the ground, both landing rough on their knees. Maybe if he knew the circumstances, his cheeks wouldn't have darkened three shades of red.

Buried in his chest was Eren's face now, and the sobs turned hysterical. Nails bit into his chest, forearms, the back of his neck-anywhere and anything Eren could desperately try to grab at, he did, until one hand tangled in soft ebony hair, and the other clenched the white fabric of Levi's button up.

Heart sinking, Levi wracked his brain for something, anything that could indicate why Eren was suddenly having a meltdown on the dirty office floor, but all things came back blank as he began to panic.

Zoe was spotted out of the corner of his eye, a hand over her mouth and her forehead wrinkled deeply. It looked like she, herself, might begin crying just at the sight.

"Eren, dear," Levi treaded carefully, wanting to be affectionate, to show care, but still worried for his own heart's safety. "Talk to me."

"Mom-" another sob. "M-" the brunet cried out as if he'd just been shot, and his nails only dug deeper. "Mom is-" he blubbers, his throat snagging into a whine, spluttering into more sobs, before he could finally breathe out, voice cracking as he did, "d-dead!"

And like that, it felt like the ground around him had begun cracking, and Eren was holding him down, dragging him into the abyss underneath them. _Cold_. Levi's blood ran so cold, and his eyes clouded over as the words registered in his head, as Eren's trembling body resumed wailing into the deadthly silence of the office. All that he knew to do was tighten his arms, which were suddenly feeling weak, and bury his nose into chocolate hair.


	2. Rainy Days Were Meant for Crying

Waves rolled gently, colliding at the docks' legs underneath them with a calming clash that ebbed peacefully at the silence between them. With their feet in the water, Levi tried to overcome his irrational fear that somehow a freshwater shark was going to bolt by, taking his legs with him, because Eren casually kept his long legs dipped into the dark water, all the way up to the middle of his calf. The sun shone from the east, but overhead were gray clouds, and Levi feared it would begin storming soon.

The silence was very much there, but Levi wasn't sure how to break it. Thin, pale, lips separated every other minute, and he would suck in a short breath, only to exhale it slowly, carefully, not to alarm the weeping brunet next to him.

"Whatever you want to say, don't give me bullshit…" A voice so low, Levi thought he was hearing things, until he looked over and saw those plump, bright red, irritated lips moving. "I would rather you not speak at all, if you're just going to pity me."

The ravenet fumbled with his sleeves, nodding quietly even if those dark eyes never looked up at him. Eren knew him better than that, knew that Levi would never pity him, but he didn't argue.

Instead, he quietly closed the distance with him by extending his hand, and taking Eren's in his, and even though Eren laced his fingers in return, Levi still cringed at his lack of self control. Friends weren't supposed to hold hands like this, and there was no doubting that Levi was simply following the instincts he'd learned over the years of being with Eren. As a lover.

Still, he allowed his heart to ache as he gently rubbed his thumb over Eren's knuckle.

Golden skin was soft to the touch, despite the cherry red blisters on Erens' knuckles; they seemed fresh and raw, still, but layered in a dry coat of blood. It didn't stop the blood to begin collecting underneath the one Levi was pestering with the pad of his thumb; not that he minded Eren's blood on him, and Eren didn't even seem to feel it, but it concerned him nevertheless.

"What happened here?"

Gray eyes trail from his hand, to the jade eyes that only flicker once to acknowledge Levi's comment.

"The five stages of grief." Eren answers dryly.

"I see." Levi hums. "Which stage are you at now?"

"Acceptance."

An apology was on the tip of Levi's tongue, but he dared not to utter it.

"If you're busy I can go."

His voice was harsh and cold, and it was obvious he was directing his anger mistakenly at Levi. Any other time Levi would let this get to him, but he calmly shook his head.

"I have all the time in the world."

"Do you mind if we just sit here for a while?" Eren asks. "Just… quiet. Like this."

Instead of responding, Levi released Eren's hand and closed the distance between them. All the while his heart pounded in his ears, he reminded himself this wasn't for _them_ , or _him_ , it was for Eren, and right now, he needed all of the support he could get, and if he came to Levi for it, it was his duty to give it to him.

Snaking an arm around Eren's waist, the brunet rested his head on his shoulder, and Levi rested his head on top of curly brown tresses. With his free hand, he accepted Eren's hand in his again.

"... Thank you." Came a quiet voice, trembling again.

Instinctively, Levi pressed his lips into chocolate hair, but caught himself before pulling away. Instead, he played it off as well as he could, smoothening out his lips and nuzzled the top of Eren's head with his nose instead. Still, it tugged Levi's heart when the brunet sighed contently with the gesture, and he couldn't help himself this time when he smoothed Eren's bangs back, and held a chaste kiss to Eren's forehead for seconds.

That beautiful noise rolled out again, overwhelming Levi's poor heart that could hardly keep up. With that, he cut himself off, and sucked in a trembling breath, before resting his head on top of Eren's again.

No more, he swore to himself. Eren was vulnerable.

"I'll be staying in town, until the funeral." He sniffles.

"Oh," Levi hums, unsure of how to respond. "Where at?"

"... Jean is coming in tomorrow. We're getting a hotel."

Even though he expected that, his heart lurched painfully; he said nothing, only looked up and watched the gray clouds become dark and tuck away the sun. There was not a shred of him that enjoyed being rained on, but when it began sprinkling, he didn't say a word; when it began to rain, still, he didn't even open his mouth; when it downpoured hard, waves crashing, he simply tucked his forehead to Eren's, as they kept their faces down. Eren removed his glasses, and Levi could see those glossy eyes clearly now.

The air was freezing, and the rain only brought their body temperatures down low. With their faces this close, Levi could feel Eren's warm breath in puffs around them. There was an intense desire to capture those trembling lips, to warm the both of them up, to give Eren that kiss in the rain that he had always wanted when they were together.

Levi wondered if Jean had given it to him.

Instincts and temptation had him nuzzling the side of Eren's face, and damn if it didn't make it a hell of a lot worse when Eren seemed to cooperate. Their fingers, still laced, tightened.

And with a rush of will power, and common sense, Levi growled lowly, pulling away reluctantly-so God damn reluctantly.

"Come on," he mumbled, squeezing Eren's hand one more time before letting go. "Before the two of us get sick."

"I'm okay with that."

Hooded eyes followed Levi's lips with that comment. It felt like someone had punched him in the gut, knocking his breath out and almost, he wanted to double over against Eren again. There was that one last part of himself that cared too much, though, and he shook his head.

"I can't afford to get sick." This was a damn lie, but Eren didn't know it.

The brunet nodded quietly, the obvious look of disappointment flickering in his eyes before they helped each other up.

Everything was close downtown, including Levi's workplace. It was tempting to simply call Hanji and get a ride from there, but Levi would rather have waited indoors than outside. So they walked, not quite in a hurry, back to the building.

"What the everloving hell and fuck?!" Isabel squeals as the two walk inside, leaving the sound of clashing rain behind glass doors. She totally neglects the two men sitting in the lobby, who have looked up with offense. "What are you two doing in this mess?!"

"Got stuck in it." Is all Levi says. "Can you call Hanji up here?"

"Okay," she breathes, her face still wrinkled with concern. "Give me a second."

Though Isabel begins chatting on the phone, Levi can only listen to the rise and fall of unsteady breathing. Eren is hugging himself, his teeth chattering. Levi wishes he could be some help, but he's freezing his ass off too. When he looks down to observe the water dripping around them, he notices his shirt is completely transparent, and suctions it off of his chest with a scowl.

This, for some reason, makes Eren chuckle, and Levi tries not to seem too surprised about it.

"Jesus Christ, Levi!" Zoe wails, standing in the doorway so that the door doesn't shut behind her. "What were you thinking? You're going to get sick!"

"I'm fine." And then, he corrects himself. "We're fine. Can you give us a lift back to my place?"

"Of course! Let me get my keys."

"Can you grab my phone, too? On my desk."

Nodding, she disappears quickly, and returns just as fast. One last time they have to run through the rain, and Hanji offers them both umbrellas, but they both figure there's no point in trying to stay dry now. Once in Hanji's car, Levi tries his best not to ruin the interior, but it's futile, and Hanji swears she won't mind, she was going to have it cleaned anyway.

So he relaxes, or tries to, and rests his head against the seat and appreciates Hanji cranking the heat up all the way. Looking into the backseat, Eren has his head resting against the window, glasses fogged up over his eyes. Unsure of where Eren's eyes are, he retreats his gaze back to the front of the car and avoids looking back again.

Street lights illuminate the streets as they drove slow on the flooding roads. What would usually take 10 minutes, took them nearly 30, not that Levi minded. Hanji had a soft rock song playing over the deafening rain, and the lulling car nearly put him to sleep before Zoe pulled into his apartment complex.

"Thanks, Zoe. Are you coming in?"

"Yeah, I don't think so." She snorts. "Momma is going home and having a glass of wine."

Shrugging, he agreed with her, and shut the car door behind him. Mirroring him was Eren, who had taken a moment longer to wave goodbye to Zoe, before following Levi up the complex, to the second floor, and into apartment number 23.

As soon as they step inside, Levi flips the lights on, and hurries to the thermostat to crank up the heat. After that, first thing is first, he wants a shower, but he offered to let Eren have the first one.

"We've seen each other naked, before, Levi," the brunet says with a completely straight face. "Why can't we just shower together?"

The comment completely struck a nerve, and Levi choked on his spit for seconds, until he could answer.

"Eren, that's… you're with Jean. I don't think he'll like that."

"It's not like we're going to do anything," he shakes his head, before sadly looking down. "Besides, don't give Jean so much faith. I don't think he'd care even if I-"

A soft voice hitched.

"Nevermind." Eren adds. "I just… don't want to be alone."

Damn it.

Levi couldn't believe he was actually considering it.

Heart pounding in his chest, he swallowed the thick lump in his throat. It wasn't true Levi wasn't going to do anything; put into that situation, Levi had no idea if his moral compass could withstand that kind of damage.

And yet, those eyes, they looked so sad.


	3. Memories Are for Miserable People

**Authors Note:**

For some reason, on A03 people aren't understanding that this will have mild Jean/Eren in it. So, I'm clarifying it here, as well, thanks to a rude anon on A03, that yes, Eren and Jean are together, but yes, this story is going to be Eren/Levi. I won't get into anymore, because I don't want to spoil anything, but just... ugh.

Anyway, thank you to everyone who has had nothing but lovely things to say. So far, I've only heard how "cliche" it is for Eren to be with Jean, and to "be more original" about it. But, I have to have someone interfering with Eren and Levi, right? Yikes.

Besides that! I woke up this afternoon, sick as a mutt, and saw so many lovely comments, it really made my day! I've found out my own father is sick, and he's not looking to good, so some of this story is personal, and the will thing was an actual experience. So this story means a lot to me.

I'm rambling though. uwu Thank you again. Replies are at the bottom.

Side note: I'm using OmmWriter, which I love, but I really hate that there's no autocorrect. So if you catch a mistake, please feel free to let me know!

 **Muscial Theme:**

Cuusheh - I Dreamt About Silence

* * *

"Where's your car?" Levi asks, as they drive by the road his mother's house is on. He makes sure to avoid the main road, but admittedly, he had to use these roads to get to his own apartment.

"In the shop," Eren answers, obviously staring down the street sign as they pass by. "Jean is working on it."

"So he's a mechanic?" Levi wants to laugh. Not because he hates the career choice, no, Hanji was a mechanic once in her life, but he wants to laugh at how differently Eren's selections have gone. From business man, to a mechine rat.

"Yeah." He simply answers.

"So what's wrong with your car?"

"Head damage," he sighs. "It's gonna cost a fortune to fix, but luckily Jean is doing most of the work, so it won't be too much."

"Uh, hm." He hums. "And why not just buy a new one?"

"I don't have that kind of money, Levi." Eren snorts.

"Well, I do." It doesn't come out how he wants it to, so he takes his eyes off of the stormy road for only seconds to apolgetically glance over. "I mean... I could buy you a new car."

"That... no. It's okay." Eren stutters, taken back by the comment.

"Right, sorry." Levi sighs nasally.

"It's... okay."

He knows it's not. It was too forward of him, but he let's it go anyway.

"The offer still stands," Levi licks his lips, regretting to keep it going. Luckily, they're pulling into the complex now, and the conversation ends when Levi stops Eren from opening his mouth again. "Well, this is it."

"Another apartment, huh?" Eren chuckles. "Why didn't you just keep ours?"

Too many memories—it hurt him to even get out of bed and find that Eren was still missing. The last time they had been in that place together, was when Levi offered to help fit everything inside of a U-Haul and wish Eren luck in another state.

"Just... enjoyed the scenery here." He inwardly groans. There's nothing to see here but pine trees and grey buildings. He ruffles his wet hair and groans at the disgusting feeling he'd almost forgotten about, his clothes still clung to his body. They both smell like wet dogs. "I think I still have some of yours clothes, you can shower and change into them."

"That's the best news I've heard all week."

And Levi wouldn't doubt it.

"Hold on, I'll get your door," Levi says, shutting the engine off. He steps into the still pouring rain and hurries to the other side.

As soon as he opens the door, Eren hops out, slams the door shut and grabs Levi's hand before bolting towards the overhang of the complex. Eren playfully screams when he steps into a puddle-much deeper than he must have thought it to be, and Levi can't help but to grin at the feeling of Eren's hand desperately trying to hold onto his.

"Fuck!" Eren breathes when they make it into the clear. He laughs as he looks down at his soaked pant leg. "That sucked."

"Come on," Levi chuckles lightly,

"I hope you left the heater on," Eren follows Levi up the stairs, to the second floor where Levi stops at apartment number 23.

He unlocks the door, swings it open, and they sigh in unison when they step iside, kick their shoes off and shut the door behind them.

"Fuck, it's freezing in here!" Eren exlclaims.

Levi flips the light switch once, and groans when nothing happens. Again, and again, and again, as if it's magically going to work.

"Power's out." Levi says. "Shit."

"Think the hot water still works?"

"I have no idea."

"Even a cold shower sounds nice at this point, anyway." Eren grumbles.

"I'll get you some clothes," Levi waves for Eren to follow him, and leads him to the dark bathroom. There's not a window to provide light. "And a candle. Just stay put."

Eren opens his mouth to speak, but as soon as Levi swings open his bedroom door, out comes a ball of wrinkles and slobber, followed with an exclaimed, "Bean!"

The ravenet rolls his eyes at Eren's incoherant baby talk. Eren kneels to catch the mutt's excited little trot.

He drifts into the bedroom and spreads his window curtains to see better. The large box in the right corner, he pulls it out, and dreadfully opens it to meet pictures of a smiling couple that is no longer them. Shaking his head, he brushes them to the side, and pulls out the grey sweatpants that still smell like their old apartment, and pulls a black shirt from his own wardrobe.

Luckily for both of them, Levi is a collector of candles, and grabs one off of the top of the dresser in his room, along with a lighter.

He meets Eren again, now content with petting his pup, and raises to take the armfull of things.

"The shirt's mine, but, it should fit."

"I remember these," Eren laughs at the sweatpants. "I've been looking for them. Costed me damn near 30 bucks."

"That's not all you left here. Bean got a hold of those green shoes you liked so much."

"No!" Eren mockily gasps. Eren turns to sit everything down on the bathroom counter, and continues to talk from the other room as Levi walks towards the livingroom. "Not my baby. What an asshole! Backstabber!"

Levi chuckles to himself. He opens his mouth to reply, but the bathroom door interrupts him when it closes. He sighs sadly to himself, and listens for the shower to start.

"Levi, it's so fuckin' cold!" Eren shouts from the other room, and Levi snorts to himself as he collects their wet shoes.

He heads back to his bedroom and closes the door behind him as he strips off his drenched clothes. The shoes, and clothes, all go into one basket that he kicks into the corner for later. He sprays himself with some cologne, wipes himself down with an old towel and slips into some of his old basketball shorts and a sweater.

His eyes somehow can't stay away from the open box mocking him now.

Slowly, he kneels down to inspect what he hasn't looked at in years.

Now probably isn't the best time to do this... yet he feels like he's on autopilot when his hand digs into the box and pulls out a photo album, decorated with cartoonish rings and champange glasses on the front. They personally customized it to say "The neverending works of Eren & Levi" over the front, in huge, bold letters.

It made his stomach twist.

 _Their story did end._

He flips open the cover, and the first page is covered with pictures they'd taken on their cellphones from the first week they started dating. They were in their junior year of highschool, before Levi had shaved underneath his hair, and had a head of black, choppy hair. Eren's hair was shorter, less highlighted and more darker, but everything was still the same.

They were playing one of those dancing simulators at an arcade, Mikasa had taken this picture.

Another of them at the movies, in the lobby, Eren had taken the picture, and Levi was looking away at something while Eren beamed.

He flipped through some more. There was one from Valentines day, back when putting stickers on pictures was a cool thing to do. He laughs at the shitty red hearts over both of their eyes while they smiled during their dinner date.

From Halloween, to Thanksgiving, to Christmas, Levi's birthday, then Eren's, there's so many pictures.

He flips to the third to last page.

Eren's hand, a pretty ring sitting on his middle finger with his smiling, but tear stained face, in the background.

Before that, a photo of Levi, holding a sign asking "Will you marry me?" surrounded by different faces. Carla, the one that sits out the most. Armin, Mikasa, Connie, Hanji, everyone. They were at a high school reuinion party that Eren held at his mom's house. It was a shitty idea. Levi wished he had done it more formally, but this all seemed right.

The last photo in the book was a photo of Eren sitting in one of their lounge chairs on their old balcony. Both dogs laid beside him, he had sun glasses covering his eyes, but his smile was as pearly as ever. With a book in one hand, and iPod in the other.

He hears the bathroom door click open, and Eren's voice seems muffled.

His ears are ringing.

"Levi?"

He shuts the book quickly, and sets it back into it's box.

But by the time he looks up like a deer in headlights, Eren is already standing in the door frame with sopping hair, a towel in his hand and Levi's shirt loose on him.

"Oh," is all Eren says.

"I found it... while getting your pants." Levi can feel the warm tears beginning to collect. He hugs his arms to his stomach and looks down with a wry laugh. "I couldn't help myself."

What he expected, was something along the lines of: What a fucking creep, you still have that shit?

But he got a quiet laugh.

"Well, don't keep me waiting, I want to look at it, too."

His heart skips a million and one beats, he swears to God he could laugh in complete hysteria right then and there if it weren't for the fact he'd scare the shit out of Eren. Instead, he tightens his lips to swallow thick, repress his laughter and wipe his cheeks. Quietly, he pulls the book back out, while Eren interrupts him and grabs the entire box.

Before he can even stand, Eren is dumping all of the contents out on Levi's freshly made bed.

He can't even argue that he had it all organized, because Eren instantly lights up, sits cross legged on the bed and begins sorting through it all.

Hesitantly, Levi sits beside him, both of them on their proper sides of the bed. Eren always got the left side, because it was farther away from the alarm clock, and Levi got the side with the lamp, because he stayed up reading most nights.

"I remember this," Eren pulls a small chain with a metalic, red painted rose charm. "You got me this for senior prom!"

The brunet laughs, turns his back to Levi and holds it over his shoulder.

"Help me put it back on."

Fuck.

He takes it with shaking hands, pulls the chain around Eren's neck and let's his hands glide across the soft skin on Eren's shoulders and the crook of his neck. Chills run across both of his arms, and it's becoming much more harder than it should be to lock the damn necklace in place. It takes a dictionary of cursing and two minutes before he finally gets it, much thanks to Eren's patience.

He lingers his hands even after it's locked, and gently pulls some of Eren's stray hairs away from the chain.

Eren smells like his soaps now.

"There," Levi says, smoothening the chain around Eren's neck just to feel him again.

Eren replies in laughter, he turns back around, holding a hand over the charm that hangs between his collar bones.

"Oh, I wonder if you kept...," Eren trails off, running his hands over the piles of things. His hand stops over an overturned photo, and the reminder of what it is sparks inside of Levi's mind far too late. He seperates his lips, inhales sharply and extends his hand to stop Eren, but it's far too late.

Eren is frozen, staring down at the image.

There was a reason Levi hadn't put this photo into their album.

And yes, he was a fucking pervert for keeping it.

He knew Eren was thinking the same thing.

"Eren, I didn't know that was in there." Levi deadpans, a lie, completely.

He knew very well, and he shamefully kept it close on lonely nights.

Six years ago, Levi bought his first professional camera, to better fill up their album.

For some reason, they had thought it was a good idea... to pose Eren, laying on his back, arms behind his head, a wanton look over his face. Blush stained his cheeks, and Levi had personally glazed him with oil before snapping the photo. The boxers he wore in the photo were obviously stiffling an erection underneath, which Eren's hand was just barely slipping under the hem to expose.

"Wow." Eren chuckles nervously.

"I... really... didn't know... I still had that."

"Sure," Eren snorts, an amused smile on his face. Levi's face flushes, and his mouth drops in horror.

"I didn't!"

"I don't believe you!" He singsongs, waving the photo around in Levi's face mockingly.

"Eren!" He whines, shoving the brunet nearly off the bed. He snatches the photo while Eren is lost in laughter, and slips it into the photo album before slamming it shut.

"Oh my God," Eren wipes away the amused tears. "It's just like you, too."

"Shut up." He growls, hiding his face with one hand. "I'm glad this is funny to you."

"Oh, it is. I can't wait to tell Hanji!" He snickers when Levi's glares.

"Hanji is my friend, you can't have her." He teases.

"Oh, please, Hanji loves me much more."

"Tch." He crosses his arms. "Probably."

They go quiet again, Levi, due to the horror he just had to sit through, and Eren, because he's preoccupied in flipping the pages of the photo album and sorting through old things.

Almost two hours have passed with mindless conversation-and more teasing about the photo, before everything is packed up again and they're simply sitting on the bed, watching the room turn into a golden, pinkish hue from the sun going down.

"I wonder when the power will come back on," Eren sighs, having been under the blanket for a while now.

"Probably not until tomorrow afternoon," Levi sighs.

"I'd offer you to come to the hotel... but Jean will probably be angry enough as is." Eren shrugs. He rolls over onto his side to face Levi, resting his head on his hand.

"Yeah, well." Levi mumbles.

"Do you want to get coffee before I head back home, though?"

"Maybe." Levi tries not to get his hopes up anymore. "We'll see."

"Yeah..."

"Eren, tell me something." Levi sternly coughs out what he's been wanting to say. Eren hums in acknowledgement. Silver meets a curious green, and Levi scoots down to eye level with Eren, resting his head on his own pillow. Softly, he takes a deep breath and asks, "Just tell me... did you leave me... for him?"

Eren smiles, closes his eyes and breathes deeply before shaking his head.

"What would even make you think that?"

"I don't know," he lies. "You just... up and left. Next thing I know... you're living with another guy."

"I didn't... want...," Eren sighs in frustration. His brows furrow.

"It's fine." Levi cuts him off. "I understand."

He really didn't, but watching Eren squeeze his eyes shut and avert his gaze repeatedly was getting... irritating.

There was only one thing he wanted to hear Eren say, and the brunet wasn't going to say it, so he didn't want to hear anymore.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"Jean says he'll get here around 9 AM. I... probably shouldn't have him drive him here though."

"Why not?" Levi sarcastically snorts. "Either way he's going to have to see me."

"I... okay... you're right. Maybe this was a bad idea, then. Maybe we should go to a hotel tonight."

"That's not what I meant," Levi swallows nervously. "I'm not going to bite."

"Yeah, well, he might..."

"I'd like to see him try."

Eren mumbles something, before smiling, burying his face in the pillow and slightly shakes his head.

Levi's eyes wander down to Eren's fingers, absently playing with the necklace.

Slowly, a smile creeps over his face, and he feels Eren's warmth radiating from the other side of the bed.

* * *

 **End Note:**

Since I tagged it on A03, but can't on here, there will be cheating. Whoops.

 **Replies**

SeaweedNeko Oh my God that is the sweetest thing! I've actually been pretty insecure about my writing lately, so I really like to see that you've been following most (if not really all) my stories from the beginning. Thank you for sticking around. uwu

CaptainoftheRirenShip c; We'll just have to wait and see! Haha, thank you! I actually did the same recently. I realized that it was pretty lazy of me not to leave reviews, because honestly it's the best thing in the world! (I say, as I go to check out your own fics) I actually did read your Purge story, I just lost it a long time ago, so here I go again with it.

hidansbabe530 I never disappoint. u3u*


	4. And Only Miserable People Cry

**Authors Note:**

I'm leaving for Seattle to finally meet my online friend of 10 years in just 6 days. Since he lives in Dubai, it's been impossible to see him and I've honestly never been this excited. Thankfully, he's a pilot, and got a flight to America! So, with that said, I'm updating this quickly, since I already have these chapters written out, just to pay for the time I'll be absent.

If you wanna Snap me while I'm gone, my Snapchat is: Shinjifag

 **Musical Theme:**

Melanie Martinez - Pity Party

* * *

He woke up slowly, but his feelings regained all at once when he felt delicate fingers tickling his spine.

It was just how Eren had always woke him up, starting with soft touches, and then massaging his back in the morning after he'd had a long day at work the night before, and damn it, it brought a whole lot of shit flooding back.

He remembers taking his shirt off last night, but he hadn't thought the process through then.

His back was still turned, so he tried to play asleep for as long as he could while Eren's fingers dipped lower, stopping at the hem of of his sweat pants, and grazed over the dimples in his lower back playfully. His hand traveled to his ribs, where it became difficult to keep from wiggling at his ticklish spot. He squeezed his eyes closed and bit his lip, thankful when Eren's hand moved to his shoulder, down his arm.

It stopped at where his forearm met his hips, and his fingers danced over the bit of flesh revealed on his hip bone.

This, is where he could no longer hold back.

He exhaled deeply, finally getting a full effect of chills as Eren's hand came dangerously close to the dip of his groin.

"Good morning," Eren's soft voice revealed his cover had been blown.

"Hey," Levi rolled onto his back, pleased with the sight of messy chocolate brown hair and a radiant blush over Eren's cheeks. "Good morning."

"Jean is going to be here in about 15 minutes." Eren looks as if he regrets saying it when Levi's smile stiffens.

"How long have you been awake?"

"About an hour now... I didn't want to wake you."

"You should have," Levi sighs, averting Eren's apologetic gaze. "We could have gotten coffee."

"I'm sorry," Eren says. "I'm, uh, actually staying for a few days. The funeral will be in about a week, so I figured... why go back?"

"Just text me the address, and I'll be there." Levi purses his lips. "And if you get bored between then, you know where I am."

"Yeah," Eren smiles, "I'll text you."

With eyes closed, Levi sighs, and absorbs the silence in the room until his ears ring. It's... so disappointing.

"Is Jean pissed?" Levi finally asks.

"Well... yeah." Eren snorts. "Very much so."

"So, I probably won't see you again." He tells himself to stop, but the scowl on his face keeps his attitude sour. "This is probably it."

"What do you mean?" Eren shakes his head.

"This is it, I won't see you again, you'll run off and marry this guy and forget about me," he rambles on about his pity party, scoffing when Eren resumes to shake his head.

"Levi, is there... something you want to talk about?" Eren wrinkles his brows. "I didn't cheat on you, I didn't leave you for him—why are you so... bitter about this?"

"Really, Eren, you need me to say it?"

"Yes." He deadpans.

Levi narrows his eyes, frowning deeper at the half-assed smug, yet sympathetic, look on Eren's face.

 _He knows._

Of course he does.

But... does he feel the same way?

He doubts it.

"I don't want to talk about it." Levi shrugs.

"So there _is_ something." Eren sighs. "Talk about what, exactly? You're keeping me in the dark, here."

"Eren, you know, so don't play dumb."

"I don't!" He sits up on his elbow. "I mean—I might, but I don't know! I think I do, but fuck, if I don't know, then I can't do anything, can I?"

Levi clenches his teeth and closes his eyes in hopes that when he opens them, his life will just be back to the normal that he had it.

Slowly, he opens them, and God damn it, Eren is still here.

The brunet always had a bad temper on him.

He was seething, obviously, staring down hard at him expecting something to work with.

Levi takes a deep breath, before exhaling shakily.

"I regret it, alright?"

"What?" He asks, esassperated.

"I... should have... been... it." He puts the words together as they come to him, his eyes flickering all over the room to brainstorm a way out of this. Ultimately, it's not working, and he's got to piece the truth together. Eren is still looking at him with an expecting expression, eyebrows raised and eyes hooded..

"It?"

"I should have..." He pauses, trying to be discreet won't work, and Eren won't leave him alone until he knows. The little shit never forgets. "I should have been better. I should have done... something. I should have stopped you."

"Stopped me from what?"

"Leaving." He breathes the word out, showing the relief off of his chest.

"Leaving... here?"

"Leaving...," he pauses again. Not because he doesn't know the next word, but because his heart rate is beginning to go up again and his mouth is going dry. He breathes in, slowly, carefully. He stares at the popcorn on the ceiling, trying to make faces as he collects himself, and lowers his voice, to finish. "Me."

The room is painfully silent now, and Levi can't even force himself to look over at the brunet. He's too scared to.

The ringing is back, and it's louder than ever.

Did Eren hear him?

It's not like him to go this quiet.

The next thing he hears, is his doorbell ringing.

He feels the rage build up in the core of his chest all at once. A small vibration starts in his heart, and his hands begin to shake as heat spreads through every nerve ending in his body.

"I'll get it...," Eren mutters.

He already knows who it is, but he listens in anyway as he hears the door swing open with a quiet squeak, and Eren happily exclaims, "Hey!"

"Are you ready?" Comes the voice, Levi can assume it's Jean.

"Yeah, let me just get my things."

"Alright."

"Do you want to come in, or...?"

Levi rolls out of bed when he hears Jean answer yes, and in seconds he's sashaying defensively into his livingroom. The guy-Jean-the scrawny, lanky, preppy looking bastard is standing in his livingroom, smiling at his ex-boyfriend, and then looking up at him.

It's like lightening has clashes between them. Naturally, Levi's eyes are sharp on him, and the tension bubbles up to their necks immediantly.

"Oh...," Eren chuckles quietly, "Jean, this is Levi, Levi... this is... Jean."

"Nice to meet you," Jean waves half-assed. His face flares when he registers the fact that A. Levi is shirtless, and B. Eren is staring, and finally, C. Eren was wearing a shirt, that obviously wasn't his.

"Likewise." Levi says sharply, sarcasm dripping from his lips. He crosses his arms and leans against the corner of the hallway.

"I'm... just going to get my stuff," Eren looks back to Jean, smiles and brushes past Levi to return to the bedroom.

He gives Jean one last look before following Eren, and leaves Jean standing in the doorway. Jean doesn't seem too happy about it.

Eren is the one who shuts the door behind them. It takes Levi off gaurd.

"We're not done talking about this." Eren whispers. "Tomorrow. When do you get off of work?"

"Around 4 PM." He answers without thinking. His mind is still hot-tempered.

"Then we're going out for coffee. I'll text you the hotel." Eren finalizes, and grabs his things from the dresser. "And stop glaring at him, Jesus Christ, you're going to make him paranoid."

Levi shrugs at this, pouting.

"Seriously, try to be nice."

He looks away, sighing when Eren swings the bedroom door open and informs Jean that he's ready.

The front door opens again, then shuts with a soft click.

It takes him 10 minutes of staring at the floor to finally come back to reality.

He rubs his eyes and groans into his hands before leaving the bedroom and heading for the kitchen where he pulls his phone from the charger and checks a few texts from Erwin and Hanji. Isabel left a voicemail, and someone left him a message on Facebook. He checks Hanji's messages first, just something stupid about work, also wanting to know about Eren.

He replies quickly.

 **[To] [Hanji]** Come over. Chinese and beer night. Tell you about it then.

It takes her 30 minutes to reply, but he's already starting his pre-game with a flat beer from his fridge, in front of the TV, watching some mindless garbage.

 **[From] [Hanji]** Sorry, I was in the shower. Be there in 30

 **[To] [Hanji]** K

If there was one thing about Hanji, it was that she was a speeder, and when she was curious, she was 10 times as bad. So that 30, ended up being roughly 16 minutes, and she probably didn't even lock up her car. She texts him when she's outside, and he replies to tell her to come in.

When she walks in, he can't hide it.

She starts off with a smile, a 6-pack in one hand, and a bag of Chinese in the other.

She freezes at the rare sight, her smile comes to a screeching halt.

He looks up from the sofa, his head to his knees. One hand is gripping the arm of the couch, while the other covers his mouth.

"Levi...," She lowers her hands, her voice goes soft. "Why are you crying?"

* * *

 **Replies**

 **hidansbabe530** Well, this chapter will probably give off... a lot. I don't even have a pun for it. It just will.

 **huangangelin** Haha, soon, right? c;


	5. The Cheaper, the Keeper

**Authors Note:**

Late update? Like I said on other updates... I got DS3. Excuse me...

(Thnx to my slightly aged apple juice for keeping me motivated)

(...but pls summon me for prince lothric and the dancer sry aralliya)

* * *

 _Work... I have to go to work._

That was Levi's first thought as silver eyes peeled open and an ice pick migraine resided behind each ear. His apartment was trashed considering it had only been Hanji over last night. Beer cans were disposed of all around his sofa, ramen noodles were split on the coffee table and the air smelled like Hanji's bad breath.

He wondered if there was any oxygen left in his house with her mouth gaping wide open and snoring like a bear. She was sprawled out on the floor near the TV, where she usually slept anyway regardless of drunk or not. She always loses her glasses and insists sitting closer to the TV does no harm.

He scoffs at this as he sits up and rubs circles on both temples. Eren's pug is fast asleep next to a disposed box of noodles and a stain is leading from his mouth to the box. The ravenet figures out the real culprit in all these messes. Damn Eren for this mutt.

There was no way in hell he was going to be able to clean or wake Hanji up in time before he had to go to work; he realized as he glanced at his phone. The time was already 2 PM, and he needed some asprin and a hot bath.

Beginning his slow walk to the kitchen he kept his eyes glued to his phone as he got a text from Eren. It was at 7 AM this morning.

 **[From] [Eren]**

 **Jean will be out tonight. Late night coffee?**

He sent a quick confirming text.

 **[To] [Eren]**

 **Usual place? What's your hotel address? I'll pick you up at 8. It's a short shift.**

That didn't seem too desperate, did it? He figured not, as he sent the message and ignored a text from Isabel and his mom. Though, skimming it, it seems like she had figured out about Eren's mother dying and asked about him, saying she'll be in town this weekend and hopes to see the both of them. He'll have to tell Eren.

He sits his phone down on the kitchen counter, plugging it in and grabs the asprin from the shelf over the stove. Popping two in his mouth, he swallows them down with a quick glass of water and tries to make it to the bathroom without giving himself whiplash.

They didn't even drink that much last night, but he does faintly remember Hanji puking up her chinese. Thankfully it must have all made it in the toilet because there's not much of a mess there, though he does a quick wipe down of it before occupying the bathroom.

The bath fills as he cleans, and he's careful taking off his clothes and locks the door behind him. The water is just as hot as he's always liked it; it turns his olive skin a refreshing shade of pink and he sinks into the tub until his nose is just above the water.

It's not so much about cleaning himself as it is getting the crick out of his neck and grease off of his face. He milks out the warmth for as long is it will go, until the water has gone lukewarm, and then cleans himself quickly.

Not much can be helped about his ache, but he's thankful to be clean by the time he gets out.

It's 3 PM by the time he gets out, and he dresses quickly in a white button up and black slacks. The job doesn't require formality; in fact Erwin has said he wouldn't mind them showing up in pajamas (which Hanji does as much as she can) though Levi rather likes to keep his image crisp, therefore no one messes with him.

He got back to his phone as soon as he was done, and checked the reply from Eren from 30 minutes ago.

 **[From] [Eren]**

 **Sounds good! God I miss those mochas...**

Smiling at his phone, he shoves it into his pocket and tries not to think too much about Eren's plump little lips blowing the steam off of his perfectly decorated cup of coffee. The shop owner was Sasha, one of their mutual friends, but more so Eren's at this point. She always decorated his with a little whipped cream cat face and paws over the cup. He loved it so much, and Levi is more than certain it has made it's appearance in at least a dozen of their photos.

He wants to reply right now but can't due to stressed time. One last time he checks on Hanji, and she's still passed out. She has a spare key for emergencies, so it's not like he needs to wake her anyway. She's thankfully smart enough to lock the door on her way out and always has, so no worries there. He exits his apartment with relief and hurries down to his car.

When all is said and done he makes it to work on time; thankfully, considering traffic was worse than usual. More than anything he's thankful for such a short shift. All Erwin needed was a few documents written out and signed before sending them off. It wasn't hard work; mostly he just received Erwin's calls and e-mails for sponsors and those in need of a good attorney. _Smith Corporate_ was the name. It was boring work, but $20 an hour and free coffee made it worth while.

He shot a few greetings on his way to the elevator and joined some blank faces on his way up. It wasn't until he got to the 7th floor that everyone shifted in their seats to look at him. This worried him; because people only do that if you're in trouble, or being fired. To Levi's memory, he hadn't fucked up anything, and if he did, Erwin wouldn't fire him over it. They were too good of friends.

Quietly, he stepped out of the elevator, locking eyes with Isabel across the way. Her heels were clicking towards him faster than he could acknowledge her.

"Levi," she has a hand over her heart and knitted brows. "I heard about Eren. Is he okay? Are _you_ okay?"

"Oh," he breathes, instantly relieved. So that's what this was about? Everyone was worried about the scene. "Everything's fine I suppose. Eren is upset, naturally."

"Well, shit, who wouldn't be?" She's the only one who can make a dirty mouth seem angelic with her soft voice. "Are you okay, though?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He brushes past her, but walks beside her to make his way to his cubicle. They both make it there, and Levi slumps into his office chair.

"Well, you know." She shifts her weight to one leg and folds her arms before shrugging. "You never really seemed to let go there. Are you two handling this okay?"

"Just fine," he lies. He's more ashamed with himself for even letting Hanji see him in that shitty state. He hates making people worry; there's no point to it. Despite their worry or not the outcome of a situation will still be the same. "He just needs a familiar face to get him through this."

"Better you than anyone else, right?" She laughs quietly when Levi shrugs. "Just let me know if I can do anything, alright? You know... I still like the kid. I think you two would have-actually, nevermind. Shut up, Isabel." She shakes her head.

"I know, I know." Levi waves it off, turning to face his computer. He wakes it up, wishing it would load up faster. "It's nothing I can't handle, really. I'm fine."

"Alright." She sighs. "Well, Erwin was asking about you, too. In fact... everyone is asking about you. Farlan is worried most. You should call him later."

"I'm meeting Eren later," he blurts out, mostly because it's satisfying to watch her mouth shape into a wide grin.

"Hound-dog." She grumbles before rolling her eyes. "Whatever, and here I was worrying."

"I told you, nothing to worry about." He says as-a-matter-of-factly.

She dropped it shortly after the phone at her desk began ringing, and she hurried back to doing what secretaries do best; typing a million miles per hour and trying their best to hold their tongue while on the phone with idiots who drunk drove with a DUI. He could hear her voice become shrill after about an hour, but it was amusing none the less and made his day go by faster. Seems a lot of idiots were calling, and sadly Levi had to deal with a few too.

Erwin was away on a trip, making his day that much easier. If Erwin were able to lecture him now there was no way he'd let Levi leave. Overtime. Forever. Until Eren goes home. At least, that's what Levi guesses would happen.

Four hours seem to drag on despite that. He checks his phone occasionally, but tries to keep it away so time won't slow down. A watched kettle never boils. So he keeps his hands on his keyboard and the phone at his ear always. After this day he should get a damn promotion.

The clock reaches 7:59, and Levi has already signed out of his computer, got the address from Eren and pressed the down button for the elevator. He hates to admit to himself that he's walking slightly faster just to get to his car. But once he gets in, his heart begins racing, and it's probably got half to do with how much cologne he's sprayed on himself. His hands are sweaty on the steering wheels and his foot feels jittery on the gas peddle.

Anxiety was eating at him. Fuck, he hasn't been this anxious for so long.

 _Nothing will happen._

But it's Eren; Eren Jaeger, the one who got away, the one Levi will walk to the end of the world just to get another chance with. The one who he was supposed to marry, and still wants to avail in that to this day.

 _But nothing will happen._

He keeps reminding himself of that.

Still he's mentally arguing with himself once he pulls up to the hotel. It's nothing fancy, although he'd expect nothing more from Jean's pocket. There's too many rooms to guess, and Levi didn't ask, so he texts Eren to let him know that he's here, and gets a quick 'otw' reply. While he waits, he flips the dash to reveal his mirror and smoothens out his hair, shirt collar and pops a breath mint.

He flips the mirror back up, and on the second floor he spots a head of chocolate hair waving over the railings. Eren probably can't see into his car because of the darkness but he waves back anyway and watches Eren hurry down the stairs wearing a loose baby blue hoodie and khaki skinny jeans tight enough to distract Levi already.

 _Should I get out of the car? That would be weird, right? Then what? A hug?_

Chewing the inside of his mouth, he waits for Eren to round around to the passenger side once he decides to stay and keep the car running. The brunet simply opens it and folds in with an exhale and a smiling, "I charge by the hour."

"Oh," Levi sheepishly grins. "Well I don't have any cash with me, will a mocha from The Smiling Titan do?"

"You're in luck, that's _exactly_ what I charge in." Eren rolls his eyes while putting his seat belt on.

"Does it _have_ to have a cat face?" Levi feign whines as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"Mmm," Eren purses his lips. "Yes. Without a doubt."

"Ugh, fine."

"Pft," Eren giggles, slapping Levi's arm playfully before he rests his head on his hand, his elbow to the arm rest of the seat. "So how was work?"

"The usual. Isabel asked about you, she says she's there if you need her," although those weren't her exact words, and they weren't for Eren essentially, Levi knows she would really be there. "Also my mom texted me. She wants to see us both soon."

"Your mom wants to see me...?" Eren asks, and when Levi nods, he hums. "Huh. I didn't think she'd like me anymore after our breakup."

"Well you didn't really do anything wrong," he scoffs. "She asks about you more than you know."

"Oh, well, I guess we should meet up with her before I head back home, then."

"She'll be down this weekend; will you still be here?"

"I'll be here for another week." Eren answers.

"Perfect," he chimes. "Then I'll text her and let her know. She probably misses your company anyway."

"If you say so," Eren singsongs.

Levi rolls his eyes, but thankfully they pull into The Smiling Titan, greeted with an illuminated sign of an ugly face, smiling with a cup of coffee underneath it's chin, and almond eyes glaring down at it. No one knows why Sasha chose such an ugly design, but it kind of fit and was catchy; plus the coffee was good, so there were no complaints.

He parks the car, and shuts off the engine. As usual Eren waited in the passenger seat while Levi got out and came around to open his door. He locked it, resisted the urge to hold Eren's hand just dangling beside him and tried his damn hardest to forget all the times they walked hand in hand to the front door, carried away in chatter.

Now it was a tense sort of silence over them; neither of them were saying anything, Levi kept his hands in his pants pockets and Eren hid his in his hoodie. The first thing Eren said was "thank you" when Levi held the door open for them.

After that, it was all screaming. Sasha started off with her usual, "Welcome to The Smiling Titan!" but got cut short when her voice got caught on her throat and her eyes landed on Eren. She slapped her hands to her cheeks and gasped before letting out the most eardrum shattering screech.

"Eren!" She exclaimed, nearly tripping over the rug just to pull him into the most bone crushing hug. "It has been so freaking long! Where have you been! Well-I know where you've been, but how have you been?"

"Good, good!" He laughs into her shoulder. By the time he can free his arms she's already pulled away to get a better look at him. "I'm glad you're still open. I've missed the coffee-and you, too... but mostly the coffee."

"How rude." She huffs. That quickly changes into a smile, however. "Didn't you hear? We're open 24/7 now, baby! They opened a college down the road from here, it's the best business Connie and I have ever had!"

"That's good to hear," Eren muses. "I heard about that, too... I thought about joining. They seem to have a good variety of arts and science. Much more than the one I'm thinking about."

 _Was that a joke? Did Levi hear that right? Is his heart still beating? Inwardly, he begs, yes, join, please. They have the best science and arts and whatever the fuck it is you're talking about; the best in the world._

They're deep in conversation, and Levi has far tuned out of it, until Sasha calls his name and catches his attention.

"How have you been?" She's asking him now. She's much less ecstatic than she was to Eren.

"I can't complain," Levi shrugs. "Nothing new."

"Are you still working at that Smith place?" She asks, with a sort of face Levi can't describe other than bitter. A sort of half smile, but her nose is wrinkled in slight revulsion.

"Yeah," he ignores her tone. "Don't plan on changing that, either."

"Hmm, good for you." She coos. "So, I assume you're here for coffee, so will it be the usual?"

"Yeah!" Eren answers. "Do you still remember?"

"Oh, Eren, you doubt me." She feigns hurt, dramatically holding a hand over her heart as she pretends to sulk back behind the counter. "Of course I remember sweet cheeks. Connie!"

She slips into the back, and Levi takes the opportunity to steal Eren's attention back.

"So, _sweet cheeks_ , care to take a seat?" Levi asks.

"Sure," Eren chuckles.

It could be out of instinct, but they both drift to the same spot they always sat at in unison. A booth by the counter, but also close to the window. It was the only place they sat; it was practically reserved for just them.

Levi slips into one side, and he's almost disappointed they're not still _that_ annoying couple that sits beside one another at the booth.

"So, should we get to the point?" Eren interrupts that thought from even beginning. Silver orbs flicker up from his folded hands, to Eren staring him down from the other side with furrowed brows. "About last night, I mean."

"If that's what you want."

"I mean... there's not much to talk about it, but I feel like we need to get it out in the open." Eren sighs nasally. "You still have feelings for me."

"Mmhm." Levi looks back down at his hands. There's no point in denying that; especially not when he doesn't know how to hide it for shit. Instead he twirls his thumbs. He's prepared for the worst; nothing can hurt him... so he likes to think. Truthfully, his heart already aches, and it hasn't even begun. "What about it?"

"Just...," Eren rests his head on the back of the booth, sighing heavily. He closes his eyes for a few seconds before peeling them back open. "I'm with Jean now," their eyes lock, Levi must have appeared physically hurt, because Eren stops to swallow thickly. "Not to mention mom... there's just so much shit going on. I didn't want to come back here to start a love triangle."

"I understand." He says softly. Honestly, he does, but it still hurts.

"But, Levi-"

He's cut off by the eccentric Mr. Clean who plops the large cup down in front of Eren's face, and sets Levi's tea down. Connie holds his hands to his hips, and his brows are razor sharp with a look that leaves Eren speechless.

"Where the hell have you been?" Connie says angrily. Before Eren can open his mouth, the kid starts cracking up, and practically rips Eren out of the booth to give him a paralyzing embrace. Poor Eren won't have any bones intact after this. "Dude, I've missed the fuck out of you! Holy shit, when are you free? We need to chill!"

This is where Levi tunes out.

The rest of their trip is interrupted repeatedly by Sasha and Connie; neither of them can get a word out. Levi decides it's best to keep his mouth shut and browse through his phone. He wants Eren all to himself, hence the reason they came here, but he can't be selfish. It strikes odd that Eren never once brings his mother up to the couple, but he doesn't judge against it. Instead he texts Hanji silently, until the two admit they're tired and have to switch shifts soon with two other people.

There's not many people in the shop by this point anyway, only a few students with their laptops and two police officers chatting away in the corner.

By the time Eren has finished his coffee is around the time Sasha and Connie finally leave with promises to keep up with Eren before he leaves again.

"We should probably head back, too," Eren muses with his eyes on his phone. "Jean will be back in about an hour."

"Oh. Right."

More silence follows. This time it's heavier than before, because Levi no longer has the desire to speak, and Eren is either tired, or upset, because he rests his head on the window the whole drive back without moving or muttering a word. It isn't until they pull up to the hotel that Eren unbuckles his seat belt and asks a question that makes Levi want to puke on the spot.

"Do you want to come up?"

"What if Jean is there?" It's a genuine fear. He'd love to fight the punk, but not in front of Eren, and being there would just start a fight.

"So what? It's not like we're doing anything." Eren scoffs, swinging his door open.

This somehow convinces Levi and he promptly shuts off the car and hops out as well. Eren flashes him a smirk over his shoulder and wrinkles his nose while Levi follows suit up the stairs. Room 61, Levi notes to himself. Eren unlocks the door, and flips the lights on. There's a corner that Levi notices immediantly, and it's covered in junk and clothes with a suitcase underneath it.

He can already tell it's not Eren's things. Eren's things are tidied beside the bed, in a closed suitcase.

So the brat has gained some cleaning abilities.

"Maybe we can finish our conversation now," Eren breathes, kicking his shoes off and pulls the hoodie off along with it.

His abdomen becomes visible for only a second as his shirt comes up with it, and Levi instantly averts his gaze until he sees the glimmer of the same necklace from last night fall around Eren's perfect collarbones. He doesn't want to bring it up; maybe Eren just forgot he was still wearing it, and Levi didn't want to ruin it.

"Was there more to it?" Levi chuckles.

He shifts uncomfortably in the center of the room while Eren sits on the edge of the bed.

"Yes," he says quietly. Emerald meets silver for only seconds before breaking away, trailing off to stare at the floor. The brunet is contemplating something while chewing his bottom lip, before he looks up, sucking in a deep breath, "I want custody of both dogs."

"What?" Levi snorts. "Seriously?"

"No," Eren cracks a smile. He pats the spot beside him; signalling for Levi to join him. Cautiously, Levi does so, slowly. He kicks his shoes off once he's sat down, and makes sure to stay at least a foot away from Eren, although there's only so much space on the twin sized bed. "I just don't know how to say what I'm going to say next."

 _You don't want to see me anymore, right?_

That had to be it. Oh God he could feel his stomach churning again.

 _Think about something else; did Hanji clean up her mess? Did the dog vomit on the rug again? Did the power go out again? It was sprinkling._

To think about anything else than Eren hating him was a chore. It was impossible.

"What I really wanted to talk about...," Eren purses his lips, staring at his lilac colored socked feet draw designs into the carpet. "Well, I have a confession to make."

"What is it?" He asks almost too quickly.

"I have a dilemma." Eren sighs. "I kind of need your help."

"Uh huh?"

It's not only him who's nervous, Levi soon realizes. Eren is picking at his nails now, and his brows are furrowed, the same way Levi's are due to the pain in his gut. Eren is shaking his leg; it's making Levi all the more anxious. He stares at the brunet, waiting for something, anything. _Ask for money. Ask for help. Ask for anything._

It feels like hours before Eren finally looks up at him again.

Except, Eren isn't speaking, only staring back at him. Levi waits, patiently, feeling extremely the center of attention in a crowded room; except they're alone, all alone, and maybe that was the worst part. Maybe the worst part was that Levi couldn't take his eyes off of plump, rosy lips; or maybe it was worse that when he looked back up, Eren was staring at his.

It was Eren who closed the space between them. Cautiously, their foreheads pressed together, Levi tried to retaliate at first, but the moment he felt Eren's warm breath on his mouth, he instinctively cooperated. Their lips met slowly, softly, almost so gentle he was worried Eren would pull away any second; but the seconds went by, and Eren's lips only pressed harder against him, until their lips were sealed and he could taste faint chocolate lingering on Eren's tongue.

He held himself up with one hand, with the other tangled deep in chocolate locks, holding Eren there as if the brunet would fade away if he dared to even let go for a moment.

Oh fuck, his heart was pounding out of his chest. It's all he could hear anymore, there was bolts of electricity in his chest and all throughout his limbs. Numb; but a good numb. An overwhelming kind of senseless feeling where his brain shut down. The only thing he had ever done right was love Eren, but not even could he do that; he wouldn't let that chance slip away again.

 _Don't stop._

It was Eren who had leaned him down against the bed; it was Eren who had both arms resting on each side of Levi's head, and it was Eren who trailed those kisses from his lips, leaving a trail of saliva as he kissed Levi's cheek, dragging his lips to the ravenet's jawline, down to his neck where he sunk his teeth and began sucking softly.

 _You little shit..._

That's what he wanted to say. Instead he breathes a husky, " _Fuck_..." and digs his fingertips into the back of Eren's shirt. His body was heated from head to toe, he was an absolute writhing mess underneath Eren, practically digging his nails into the fabric until he was sure it would rip. His body ached to feel more of whatever the feeling was again.

 _Please don't ever let this end again._

Eren pulls away, looking at Levi's craned neck, where the marking his left is as visible as day, and Levi realizes this when Eren smirks. The brunet bites his lip and rests his head against Levi's chest before letting out a trembling sigh. It sounded content, like a relief had been lifted off of his shoulders.

Levi wishes he could feel the same, but it comes crashing down around them when the door knob twists, and the sound of a key being inserted is heard.

Eren bolts up quickly with Levi to mimic, although Levi gets to his feet, attempting to look less guilty by waiting in the middle of the room. Eren is watching him; and it's too late that Levi realizes the brunet is absolutely pink in the cheeks. He wouldn't doubt if he is as well.

Time will tell; because the door swings open, and Jean comes through with a weary sigh and tosses a duffle bag down.

The blond opens his mouth to speak, but instantly locks eyes with Levi instead.

"Oh," is all Jean can say.

"I was just leaving, sorry," it pains Levi to be passive, but starting a fight in front of Eren is absolutely forbidden.

"Right," Jean doesn't seem convinced; and Levi knows they've been caught in a lie. What kind of ex is just _there_ at nearly midnight, both red in the face? "What have you two been up to?"

"We went out for coffee," Eren answers. "Levi needed to tell me that his mom was expecting me."

"A text wouldn't have worked for that?" Jean asks, then his face turns sour, "Why do you even talk to your exes parents?"

Great. A fight was starting; this was not going how Levi expected it. His head was still fuzzy from just having his tongue down this guy's boyfriend's throat minutes ago; his heart was still running on that adrenaline and worse now that they've practically been caught. Of course it doesn't take a genius to know, and Jean knows.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The blond is directing this towards Levi now, who snaps back into reality.

"What?" He hisses, taken aback.

"First I find him wearing your shit, now you're just at our hotel while I'm not around," Jean sticks his waxy finger up, pointing it in his face. He looks to Eren however. "The fuck is that on his neck? You told me he was single, right?"

"Jean-" Eren stands to his feet.

"The fuck happened while I was gone?" Jean interrupts. "Do you think I'm dumb, Eren?"

"No, Jean, just calm down!"

"I fucking knew this would happen too," Jean continues. He takes a step forward, and Levi is already on high alert. He takes a step between them, while not trying to be too obvious. "You've been talking about him before we even got here."

"We kissed!" Eren exclaims, throwing his hands up. "I got caught up in everything; I kissed him, okay?"

"The fuck." Is all Jean can spit out.

Mentally, Levi waits for the 'I'm sorry' to follow afterwards. Eren always apologized, even for things he didn't do, just to avoid conflict like this. It would shove Levi back down into the dirt, but all the while the raven couldn't blame Eren for just apologizing to simmer this tense air down. Even if it did, Levi isn't so sure he feels comfortable leaving Eren alone now. It's a clusterfuck situation; how does it even get better at this point?

All he can do now is tighten his lips and stand between two hotheads and hope no punch is thrown.

It's eerily silent. Emerald eyes are stuck to the floor, and hazel orbs are glaring daggers at the both of them, to which Levi returns.

"Keep the hotel," Jean starts for his bag. Luckily Levi steps out of the way quick enough. "I'm going to rent another one."

Eren is silent, chewing on his lip, he sits back down on the edge of the bed and keeps his head turned from both of them. Never has Levi wondered so much what the brunet is thinking of.

It only takes Jean a minute to gather all of his things. He paces to the bathroom, shoving things into his suitcase and zips it up angrily. Levi stares at the back of chocolate hair, wishing he could read minds. Both of them ignore the angry blond spitting curses, bee lining the room and finally slamming the door so hard one of the cheap pictures falls off of the walls.

Silence makes it's unpleasant return.

"Why didn't you...," Levi inhales deeply, tumbling words over in his head before speaking. He closes his eyes before saying something incredibly stupid. "Why did you do that?"

"I don't know," comes an immediate, shaky response. If he could cry right now, he surely would. Instead he sinks his face into his hands. "I'm such a stupid fuck."

"No, you're not," Levi drifts cautiously to the edge of the bed, sitting down but keeping his hands to himself. "I... probably shouldn't have come up with you."

"I wanted to do it." Eren admits, shaking his head. "I would have done it either way."

It flatters him to say at the least; because it's all he wanted to hear. Sadly, it's not the time to show just how gleeful it makes him. He sulks his shoulders instead.

"Am I shitty person?" Eren asks.

"Far from it."

"Am I...," he chokes, swallows thickly and raises his head, keeping his eyes on the floor in front of him and hands over his mouth. "Am I a shitty person for wanting more, still?"

He hesitates for a dozen seconds, before answering softly, "No."

"Even if I'm cheating?" This time Eren looks at him, and it makes his heart lurch. "What if it were you?"

"I don't know, Eren," Levi's mouth is going dry just thinking about this. He'll have a heart attack before this night is resolved. Could that happen? A heart attack from bad nerves? "Given the situation... you know what I want. I just want you to do what you think is best."

"I don't know what's best."

He hums quietly in response. With a sigh, he asks, "Do you think Jean will forgive you?"

"I wouldn't doubt it." Eren scoffs. "He's done worse."

"Why stay with him, then?"

"I don't want to talk about it...," Eren groans into his hands, sinking back into them.

"I won't push it." Levi simply says. He overlooks the entire hotel, tossing and turning thoughts over and over in his head until they've all been checked and considered at least three times. He starts numerous times to try to speak, but each time he closes his mouth. Finally, he comes right out with it, closing his eyes tight as he asks, "Will you spend the night with me?"

His heart is pounding, his ears are ringing now and his hands would be shaking if they weren't folded and white knuckling one another. When Eren says nothing, he looks up slowly, tracing over every detail on Eren's face, in his eyes, staring back at him.

"One last night," Levi corrects. "And then you can never speak to me again if you want."

"One night?" Eren asks softly, wryly, with a slight smile on his face and eyes hooded. He snorts, shakes his head and sighs. "I... would really like that."


	6. Heart Emoji IRL

**Authors Note:**

As I said on my other fic, I've had a broken laptop and my files were deleted, etc. Blah. I'm working from scratch though.

Also, important!

This isn't the newest chapter. I posted this chapter on AO3 and seem to have forgot to post it here. So I'm going to upload two chapters in a row to make up for lost time. :)

Enjoy!

* * *

There were probably hearts in his eyes, and if it was as magical as it seemed, hearts should start floating over his head any minute now.

Sitting pretty on his kitchen counter was Eren, wearing one of Levi's old, oversized t-shirts still covered in faded baby blue paint from when they'd painted their living room. With his legs crossed, his boxers rose dangerously high, but Levi was doing well so far not to stare.

Usually enjoying silence, Levi didn't mind Eren talking his head off, a wine glass between his fingers and the red wine sloshing inside the crystal with every shake of laughter.

It was strange—it wasn't what Levi imagined. His expectations were Eren crying, or even leaving in a burst of anger. Yet, they were in mid-conversation about the good times, when Eren's mother would drag a raggedy homemade flame thrower into her kitchen just to toast her marshmallows before putting them in a neatly made cup of hot chocolate. Or the time she had fixed Levi's flip-flops with a bread tie and super glue, and they ended up sticking to Levi's feet at the beach.

In fact, the two of them laughed and drank so much, Levi thought he might puke if his ribs didn't stop throbbing. Tears still lingered in his lashes from an old inside joke, and Eren's cheeks were blushed.

Content, Levi had finished the garbage pile of snacks he had cooked, and Eren had pointed out how terrible of a chef he was. Avocado, eggs, and bacon all wrapped in a burnt tortilla. Eren always liked spicy foods, and Levi grimaced as Eren poured hot sauce into his.

Still, they hadn't eaten in silence. They had barely eaten at all.

It tasted terrible, anyhow. Too bland. Levi didn't know how to use spices without Eren.

The clock had chimed quietly that another hour had passed, making it nearly 5 in the morning, but neither of them seemed the least bit tired.

Leaving their plates of food with a mutual scowl and laughter, they returned to the living room eventually.

Still, Levi sat on the opposite side of the couch as Eren.

Finally, it had become silent, not because they'd run out of things to talk about. Staring at his wine glass, running his thumb along the edges, Levi had finally let his laughter die down, and sighed softly.

"What's the matter?" Playfully, Eren scooted across the couch, patting Levi on the knee.

He tries to smile, but gives only a poor excuse of a breathy laugh. Maybe he was tired. It had to be it. But the thought of going to sleep pained him. He was paranoid. Eren would be gone by the time he woke up, and he didn't want to return to reality.

Lack of communication was the reason they'd broken up, so no matter how much it hurts his pride to tell Eren just that, he takes a swig of wine and lets the word vomit pour.

"What are we doing, Eren?" Another sip. This would be easier if he were drunk. Finally, he looks at the brunet, shrugging with a sigh. "Like…," another sigh, frustrated as he searches for the right words. "What is going to happen? With _us_?"

A moment of silence passes eerily. Already afraid he's scared Eren off, Levi swallows thick, squeezing his glass slightly. For a moment he wishes it would bust so he could be rushed to the hospital and this whole ordeal was forgotten.

"I don't know… I just… can't we…," Eren purses his lips, fingers twisting the hem of Levi's shirt nervously. Emerald meets silver again with a soft sigh. "Can't we just enjoy _this_? For now."

Resting his head on the back of the sofa, Levi wants so badly to argue against that. There were so many factors that kept him from enjoying this moment. The shimmer of Eren's necklace caught his eye, distracting him momentarily from Eren's continuous eye contact.

Things were feeling hopeless between them again the more he thought about it. Felt like his body didn't even want to cooperate with him, all it wanted to do was shut down and sleep finally.

For a moment he wondered if he hadn't dozed off—Eren had taken his wine glass out of his hands. He must have been falling asleep, or else Eren thought he was.

Just as he was about to excuse himself, Eren was lifting his chin.

As soon as he saw how close Eren's face was, everything seemed to go blurry, his hearing muffled. Certain that Eren asked, "Can I?" he nodded, unsure if he'd even heard him right. Could hear his heart pounding in his ears again, his hands tensing into fists on the sofa cushions, breath unsteady as Eren's lips met his once again.

Maybe the little shit had a point; maybe he could just enjoy this for now.

Only did his reality come crashing down when all of his senses returned in time to hear the brunet mumble, "I do... really... love you, Levi."

His heart must have beat too hard—maybe it had stopped, along with time itself. Shell-shocked, Levi has no idea how long he sat there like a deer in headlights. The next thing he knew he was bolting from the sofa, to the bathroom to empty his stomach. Maybe he would be able to blame it on the wine—he'd drank too much. But Eren wasn't that stupid.

Maybe Eren had drank too much.

But as much as he tried to convince himself that, he heaved every time those words repeated in his head.

Eren had just made this ordeal a hundred times harder.


	7. Gentle Hands Are Idle Hands

**Authors Note:**

Here is the most recent chapter!

Very NSFW**

* * *

The room was spinning when silver eyes peeled open, and the sun shone far too bright into his squinted eyes. Angrily, realized he had slept on the sofa, and tried tossing over to stuff his face into the pillows-only, there was a heavy weight holding him down. After blinking hard and at least a million times per second, his eyes finally came into focus, and saw the head of chocolate hair laying on his abdomen.

Eren's arms were tangled under Levi's body, wrapping around Levi's thin waist.

It looked more than uncomfortable.

Levi licked his lips as he placed his hand gently against Eren's soft hair, petting the top of the brunet's head only for a few seconds before Eren was shifting, and looking up at him. The sun shone into emerald eyes, and they glowed golden as they blinked lazily, a small smile forming on Eren's morning pout.

Before Levi could even mutter a word, Eren was pulling his arms out from under Levi, and crawling upwards to straddle himself onto Levi's lap.

 _This was fuckin' torture_ , Levi mentally cursed. His morning erection was plain as day, and it didn't help anyone that Eren was now sitting on top of it, with a dangerously curious expression over his face.

 _"_ _Can't we just enjoy this, for now?"_

Eren's words rang through Levi's head as he instinctively wanted to defuse the situation; realistically, Levi was prepared and painfully aware that he didn't have the will to stop the brunet, and frankly, his moral compass must have been out of service, because any care of Jean was thrown out of the window.

Soft, tanned hands began trailing the hem of his own shirt, and agonizingly slow, Eren pulled off the oversized t-shirt, making sure to carefully brush his small fingers over the rose emblem as it fell back over his collarbones.

 _Eren doesn't belong to Jean._

Levi reminded himself that as he held onto Eren's hips, and lifted his own hips ever so slightly, grinding his erection into Eren's backside, and earning a quiet groan from the brunet. Golden eyes fluttered in sync with every motion.

Pale fingers slid from Eren's hips, and wrapped around the brunet's back as Levi sat up.

With their lips dangerously close, Eren whispered the final straw against Levi's rosy cheek:

"I'm sorry... if I ever made you think that I stopped loving you."

And with that, something snapped.

Levi claimed Eren's lips without hesitation, before holding on tightly and gently lifting Eren off of the sofa, only to roll them both off and place the brunet gently on the floor.

The ravenet hardly had a chance to swoop back into place, before Eren already had his hand on the outside of Levi's pants, pulling at the hem until his erection was finally free. Levi only voiced his relief with a guttural moan. He was stuck standing in place, while Eren seated himself on his knees, looking up with honeyed eyes and his gentle hand teasingly on Levi's cock.

"Don't get your hopes too high," Eren mumbled, placing a chaste kiss to Levi's dripping tip. "I only want to get you wet so you can make love to me."

The ravenet chuckled tightly, wanting to give confirmation that yes, yes, a hundred times yes he is fine with this plan. When he looked back down, however, he saw that Eren was playing with himself through his boxers, and silver eyes were only torn away when Eren pumped his cock once, before taking half of the length between his warm, wet lips.

 _This is fucking_ ** _ **crazy**_** _._

Levi gripped at the chocolate hair before throwing his head back. He knew damn well Eren wasn't made of glass. When he looked back down, there was a smirk on Eren's face as he pulled Levi's cock out of his mouth.

The ravenet returned the coy expression, trying his best to seem confident, as if he really had the upper hand in this situation.

Still, he obligated with what he knew Eren wanted, and waited until Eren slowly took the entire length of his shaft, before he held the back of Eren's head, and carefully began moving his hips, letting the brunet adjust. It took no time for them to sync up, and in minutes Levi was fucking Eren's face, with the brunet whimpering, choking, tears on his lashes, all the while stroking his own cock.

It was becoming too much, and Levi could feel that pool of fire in his groin begin to build up.

"God damn it," Levi exhaled a trembling breath, before tugging Eren's hair, forcing the brunet to stop.

" _Already_ close?" Eren whined, carefree as he spit grool that dangled from his bottom lip.

"You _know_ I am," Levi hisses breathlessly.

It didn't help the fact that no one had touched him since he and Eren did separate. Five years of nothing but the occasional porn binge and masturbating on the weekend can fuck up a man's willpower.

Levi finished pulling and kicking his pants from his ankles, while Eren laid on his back, with legs spread and boxers still irritably in place.

They were disposed of quickly, much to Eren's surprise, and even seemed a bit shocked at Levi's eagerness. When their eyes met however, Eren smiled sweetly, reminding Levi to slow down.

The ravenet found himself leaning over Eren again, his elbow keeping him up beside Eren's head, and the other sliding with a flat palm from Eren's chest.

Before Levi could even lean in for a kiss, Eren held his hand in place.

"We don't need to prepare," Eren mumbled, eyes wide with anticipation. Lifting his head, he placed a chaste kiss on Levi's bottom lip, "Just make love to me."

With a gentle exhale, his heart throbbed

"Are you sure…?"

"Levi, I have never been so sure." Eren's eyes glistened, and his voice began to tremble as his lanky arms wrapped around Levi. "I miss you, so much. Make love to me."

The ravenet pressed his forehead to Eren's, trying not to cry himself as Eren smiled past the single tear rolling past his flushed cheek.

For a moment, Levi hesitated.

 _This isn't right._

But it was.

 _Eren wasn't his._

But he also wasn't Jean's.

 _No, Eren was… his._

Levi strokes his cock one more time, still wet from Eren's saliva, and found the brunet's warm entrance like the back of his hand.

"You are mine, Eren Jaeger."

Levi voiced gently, as the tip of his cock was practically sucked in. The brunet tensed, and gaped with a trembling breath as Levi pushed deeper; when Eren cried out, and grit his teeth, Levi halted immediately.

"I'm okay," Eren reopened his eyes and quickly reassured him.

Levi wasn't buying it, but Eren gave him no choice as he wrapped his legs around Levi's hips, forcing the ravenet down.

 _So fucking tight_ , it was almost unbelievable as Levi groaned huskily into the crook of Eren's shoulder.

He was sure he'd come immediately without even having to move, but he tried to focus his attention more so on Eren's pained expression and furrowed brows.

"You are mine, Levi Ackerman." Eren huffed, breathing heavy as he cupped Levi's face in his warm hands. "Y-You… always have been.

 _Wait a minute._

Levi stiffened, and with knit brows watched as Eren began coming down from the sudden pain and shock. Eren had never been this sensitive before, only during their first time.

 _Hold on._

There was no way Levi could be right, but he still asked anyway.

"Eren, is this… are you not…," _how does one even ask this?_ And he hated more than anything to bring _him_ up in the middle of this. "You… have slept with Jean… haven't you?"

Eren sniffled, and shook his head.

"Never," he breathes.

"In the 5 years you've been together…"

"I've never wanted anyone else," Eren answered confidently. "And… I'm only Jean's lover."

" _What_?" Levi hissed.

"Surprise." Eren seemed to be adjusting from the pain enough to chuckle. It was probably because all of this talk was making Levi go soft. "No penetrating sex, that's the rule."

Levi could only stare at him with furrowed brows.

"Now isn't the time…," Eren whispers, pulling Levi in for a quick kiss. With hooded eyes, Eren digs his fingertips into Levi's hair, practically demanding, "Don't leave me… make love to me, Levi."

Levi didn't ask another question, no matter how confused he was.

Eren was right. Now wasn't the time.

* * *

"I'm not doing it anymore!" Eren stomped around their bedroom, snatching shirts off of their hangers from the walk-in closet, and that's when Levi noticed a pile of clothes next to the suitcase. Eren stepped out, sobbing as he locked eyes with Levi. "I can't do it anymore!"

"Eren… I don't understand." Still holding his briefcase, the raven stepped forward, setting his things on the cluttered bed. "What did I do?"

"What didn't you do!" Eren's voice cracked. "You lied to me!"

"What?" Levi hisses, suddenly feeling more enraged than anything.

"You promised me that you would change!" Hands flailing, Eren is practically screaming. "You turned into some fucking 9-to-5 mole rat!"

Strange insult, but he'll take it.

"I haven't seen you in weeks! And when I do? You're working!"

"I have to pay the bills, Eren." The ravenet said calmly, at least as calm as he could realizing the situation. With an aching chest, he tried to step closer to his fiance, but the brunet backed away.

"Not like this!" The brunet wailed. "You used to talk shit about these kind of guys, but now you're just one of them! What happened?! What happened to moving to France, what happened to getting married, what happened to adopting a kid?!"

"I'm trying, Eren!" Levi is on the brink of tears now. "I-I'm sorry! I can't rush these things!"

The brunet shook his head, and continued stuffing a suitcase, all the while Levi begged, cried, pleaded; Eren screamed, sobbed, stepped away.

"Where are you even going to go?" Levi cries.

"I know someone in California," Eren sniffles. "He wants to help me."

More arguing, calmness turned to screaming, pleading turned to cursing, but to no avail, and Eren wouldn't tell him who this man was, or where in California. After so long, Eren had enough, and left with a trembling goodbye, took the dog, and his suitcase, leaving the bedroom door open as Levi fell to his knees, sobbing quietly into his palm.

He wanted to cry out, but it was no use, and he couldn't feel his legs, or muster a voice to scream with.

When the front door slammed shut, Levi dug his fingers into his hair, before finding that voice; wailing, screaming, cursing only himself.

His heart was breaking, his stomach was twisting, his hands shaking.

He pleaded to God to make this stop.

* * *

Levi kept his forehead to Eren's as he bit the memories back, rocking his hips slowly against Eren's, no longer fucking for pleasure like a Goddamned idiot. Eren was right again, Levi wanted nothing but to make love to him.

The apartment was silent, save for the quiet exhales, the gentle kisses, the soft moans every time Levi deepened his thrust.

They readjusted themselves, with Levi pulling Eren up with him, he leaned against the sofa, and rested his head on the back of it to watch Eren's gaping lips whimper with every motion.

With one hand on the back of Eren's head, their lips met again, and deepened until their tongues danced playfully. Levi used his other hand, tight on Eren's hip, to help the brunet bounce; slowly at first, and soon into a pace that Levi was confident would make them both come.

Once Eren had his rhythm down, Levi cared for Eren's neglected cock, pumping it in motion with Eren's hips.

The brunet's lips shaped the perfect O, allowing Levi to suckle and nibble Eren's bottom lip.

Using both hands to shape and spread Eren's perfect ass, Levi threw his head back, watching as the brunet began stroking his own cock.

"I'm g-going to come," Eren whimpered once, forming a matra of, "Levi-Levi, Oh my God, I'm coming!"

"Come with me," Levi breathed.

Eren was the first to come, and he only tightened around Levi's twitching cock as he released inside of the brunet; Eren was screaming in pleasure now, his voice echoing through the entire apartment.

Levi couldn't breathe, he couldn't move, he could only pull Eren's trembling body closer to him, sucking in air between groans. The brunet's necklace jingled with every deep thrust, bouncing off of Eren's chest.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"I love you," _oh, fuck. Fuck._ "I love you so much."

 _Don't leave again._

 _Oh, fuck._

"I love you, Levi," Eren whimpers, finding Levi's lips with tears in his eyes. "I love you so, so much."

 _Fuck._


	8. I Can't Promise Tomorrow

**Authors Note:**

This is only part 1 of this chapter! The entire thing came to almost 10k words, and that was way too much for one page.

I'll update again later in the evening, when I'm done editing it. :)

* * *

" _Levi_?" A shrill voice called into the apartment, one he instantly recognized as Hanji. The redhead closed the door behind her as she intruded with a smirk, given the fact Eren and Levi had both just exited the bathroom, still wrapped in towels from their shower. "Oh. My. God!"

Laughing (cackling), she jumps up and down excitedly, and Levi is sure a million questions are following her celebration dance. With her bottom lip between her teeth, she squeals, claps, screams, dances in circles around them.

All the while Eren is giggling sweetly. Hanji pulls out her phone, probably opening up Snapchat.

"Calm down Maggie Wheeler." Levi deadpans, snatching the phone from her hands. "No one knows about this yet, so put that away."

"What is there to know?!" She reaches for her phone, but now Levi sees she's not ready for it. "I want all of the details!"

"I should… probably get ready." Eren interrupts quietly, and reminds Levi of the sinking feeling in his chest. "I-I'm going to go get dressed."

Levi brushes the back of Eren's shoulder as the brunet is already walking away, and shuts the bedroom door behind him. The ravenet sighs, slicks his hair back and motions for Hanji to follow him in the kitchen.

She must have realized that Levi wasn't laughing, and looked on the brink of tears again.

But with a stern voice, he explains the situation quietly and quickly, before Eren can come back.

Hanji listens to everything, from the time Eren came to the office, to the guilty sex they just had.

No, he didn't regret it, Levi had came to that conclusion. And he was sure Eren was telling the truth when he said he didn't either.

He even told her about Jean, reluctantly.

"That's what I wanted to tell you," she bites her index nail nervously. "There's a really pissed off guy at the office, and he's looking for you. When I asked him, he said he's looking for Eren."

"He knew you were supposed to be at work today," she resumes. "Now he's going to Eren's mom's house, then here, to try and find Eren."

"Jesus, what an inconvenient little shit." Levi sucks his teeth. "That's exactly where Eren is going. His mom's house."

"Well, don't let him!" Hanji exclaims. "That guy sounds nuts!"

"He has to get the will," Levi sighs. "I'm betting that Jean knows that."

"Fine, then we're going with him." She crosses her arms. "And if we have to, we'll put the beat down on this dumb kid."

"You don't-"

"Ah! Don't start with me!" Hanji snaps her fingers in Levi's face. She repeats herself, "Beat. Down."

Levi can't help but to laugh, even though it's a wry tittle. At least he had someone who had his back, and he appreciated Hanji for that. Not that he would ever tell her.

"Fine." Levi nods, giving her phone back finally. "But remember Eren is still sensitive about his mother."

"Got it." Hanji holds out her pinkie. "Pinkie promise I will… try to not be so Hanji."

"Whatever," Levi rolls his eyes and briefly closes his pinkie over hers.

Before Hanji can open her mouth, the bedroom door cracks open, revealing a very red faced brunet, dressed in everything Levi, besides the shoes. Black slacks that Levi had used to roll up-because damn it, they were on sale and they were Calvin Klein. Luckily they fit Eren well, and shaped his lanky legs.

With his hands stuffed in the pockets, the muscles in his biceps flexed every so subtly behind the rolled up white button up, loose around the collar, but appropriately fitted.

Chocolate hair was slicked back, leaving no secrecy to the sparkle in his glimmering eyes.

Eren was fixing the sleeve when their eyes met.

Holy shit.

Levi hadn't seen Eren look so God damned well dressed since their engagement announcement. Not to mention, with the brunet all geared up in his own clothes, Levi was choking back a vulgar catcall on the tip of his tongue.

Save for the situation heavy on Eren's shoulders, he kept quiet.

"Do I look… prepared?" Eren sighs, shrugging as he worries it's not the correct word.

"Yes," Levi simply nods, reassuringly crossing the room to straighten Eren's collar out. "You look… gorgeous. Your mother would paparazzi the hell out of you if she could see you."

The brunet chuckles dryly, although offers Levi a sweet smile.

"Thank you." Eren mumbles quietly, leaning in for a chaste kiss.

And damn it, it makes Levi think, and thinking sucked-but was this really going to last forever?

Stop it.

Eren was walking towards the door before Levi could even blink.

"Ready?" Eren asks.

"Yeah," Levi confirms, "But Hanji is coming with us."

"Huh?" Thick brows furrow. "No offence, Hanji, but why?"

Thus begun a car ride full of questions, and the two explaining as best they could. Levi felt as though he and Hanji were parents, having to let Eren down gently, and let him know his physcotic, batshit boyfriend was trying to hunt him down at every corner. Without a doubt, Eren was furious-but there was something Levi hadn't notice the brunet experience before-Eren was holding back, watching his words.

Was Eren always this afraid of people?

No, Levi knew he wasn't. The brunet never had a problem putting anyone in his place, even Levi.

So what the hell made Jean so different?

The outstretched suburbs turned to dirty, dust kicking roads. Then, the inside of Oregon bayside. It wouldn't be too much longer until they arrived at the small house on the side of a dirt road, and Eren had never nibbled at his nails so violently. Levi was sure they'd turn to stubs and bleed, as he glanced occasionally away from the road.

Those emerald eyes never met his, never reassured him, only feared Levi for the worse.

Hanji was hardly help, although Levi didn't blame her-it wasn't her problem, and there was no way in hell she was thinking what Levi was… maybe. She did have a knack for figuring out what people were thinking, and that's another reason everyone in the damn office pushes her to join the damn force and become the best detective in Oregon.

That was good, Levi thought. Think more about other things, stop worrying about this.

The silent stretch had finally ended when Levi pulled into the isolated neighborhood, and found Carla's home on the end of the street. Never in a million years could he forget this place, and all of the times he snuck in late at night just to spend time with Eren as teens.

There were a few cars already here, but Levi couldn't recognize any of them.

If everyone changed cars in five years, he wondered what else had changed.

"Jean's car is here," Eren's voice is panicked. Those wide eyes look at Levi, pleading, "What do we do?"

"We go inside," Levi answers coolly. "Hanji and I are here, you don't have to worry."

"You don't understand," Eren whines. "I can't just-"

"Eren," Hanji interrupts with a reassuring smile. "It will be fine, don't worry!"

The brunet seems everything but convinced, but closes his lips tightly, before locking eyes with Levi for a moment. Skittishly, he looks away, unbuckles his belt and gets out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

Neither of them can respond in time, but Eren is already jogging to the front door and rushing inside.

"Damn it." Levi drops his head to the back of his seat and sighs.

"You fucked up."

Eren's voice rang in his head.

"You fucked up."

Don't let this happen again.

"You fucked up."

It can be fixed.

"You fucked up."

Levi shakes his head, and forces his door open, following Eren in suit, slamming his door, entering the house almost uninvited and unwelcomed, only to see unfamiliar and familiar faces chattering in the kitchen. No one had noticed him yet, and as Hanji stepped in behind him, he asked her to help find Eren.

The last thing Levi wanted was for Eren to run back to Jean, or worse, have Jean get violent at a damn family gathering.

The ravenet checked every room, starting with Eren's old bedroom, and almost froze when he walked in.

Eren wasn't there, but he didn't process what he was walking to until he did.

The floor was freshly polished, or no one had been in here for forever.

A wave of memories rushed over him as he looked to the tacky green rug sitting in the middle of the floor, the twin sized bed pressed into a corner, the window that was not screwed shut because Levi wouldn't stop sneaking in when they were in high school. Pictures still decorated the room; pictures of them, some copies of the ones Levi kept in his own photo album. Others were unique, ones Levi had hardly seen before.

One was a family dinner Eren's parents invited him to, and they were all sitting around the dining room table. It was before Eren and Levi were out of the closet, and they sat across from each other, but Levi remembers very clearly that their feet were crossed underneath the table.

Another on Easter, in a church, Eren had forced Levi to go. The ravenet was dressed in a black and white suit. It was his first time attending church, and he was completely overdressed; meanwhile Eren was in jean shorts and a plain white t-shirt, with socks that cut off mid-calf.

He laughed at that one.

One last one caught his eye. It was at a party, only close friends. Mikasa, Armin and Hanji accompanied them, and Levi was holding onto a drink, that he thinks, was a shitty margarita an inexperienced 17 year old Hanji had tried making. Eren was mid sip on a cheap beer, while Mikasa and Armin were playing some card game between them-maybe it was ring of fire-Levi couldn't remember too well. He was drunk, after all. Even in the photo, Levi was shyly watching the brunet.

And that was the night Levi and Eren had given each other their virginities. Clumsy, sweaty, confusing, awkward, friendship ruining sex-what was better?

Carefully, he undid the thumbtack, and carefully slipped the photo into his pocket.

His phone buzzed just as he was returning his eyes to the wall, and when he checked it, it was a message from Hanji.

 **[From] [Hanji]**

 _in the bathroom_

Levi grimaced.

 **[To] [Hanji]**

 _Okay? I don't want to hear about your bowel movements. What about Eren?_

A second later his phone chimed.

 **[From] [Hanji]**

 _eren is in the bathroom! wtf levi! where r u_

Okay, that narrowed things down.

Stuffing his phone in his pocket, he hurried back down the hallway, and nearly collided with the redhead who was blindly texting on her phone.

"I was trying to find you!" Hanji whispers. "Did you get my text?"

"Yeah." Levi peaks behind Hanji, recalling the crowd of people-not too many, just Eren's close family, aunts and uncles, and regrettably, the father that hated Levi-but Eren said Jean's car was here, which meant he had some serious dodging to do. "Listen, I have to get to the bathroom unnoticed. If Jean sees me here, it's only going to make things worse."

"What do we do, then?"

"Damn it, I don't know. Just… distract everyone for a second."

"Oh, easily. I've got the perfect idea." She mumbles. "I've got _skills_ when it comes to pissing off old people."

The redhead strolled confidently towards the kitchen and towards a small buffet table, tons of dishes laid out with homemade meals, and lifts an entire glass container of… something. It looks like mashed potatoes, or maybe a cobbler. Levi can't tell. Everyone in the house was surrounding it-but where the hell was Jean?

Levi watched from behind the corner as Hanji began her stunt.

"Mmm," the heat from the dish steams her glasses. "This smells de-lish!"

A woman, presumably the owner of the dish, shot a worried glance from across the room.

And, for someone who believed in serving and protecting citizens, she had absolutely no problem letting the entire glass container slip out of her fingers, and come crashing to the polished wood floor with a deafening smash.

"Oh, no!" A natural actress. "I'm so sorry! My glasses fogged up!"

It was a peach cobbler, Levi realized, with a quiet snort as Hanji shot him a not-so-subtle wink.

But she even played that off when someone asked why the hell she was winking.

"I think I got glass in my eye!" Hanji shrieks.

Levi decided this was probably the best time to dip. Everyone in the room was now concerned for this strange, blind woman stomping around all of their fancy, fragile dishes.

Behind the crowd, he tiptoed quietly against the walls of the living room, into the kitchen, and finally into the bathroom in the back of the house. Putting his ear up to the door, he swore he could make out soft crying. It was hard to tell, given everyone was panicking in the kitchen.

Damn it, he needed to get in there before someone showed up to use the bathroom and recognized him being here.

"Eren?" He knocks lightly on the door. "Eren, let me in."

"I'm not in the mood." The trembling voice came.

"Eren, come on," Levi glanced over his shoulder-he could hear the heels of someone's shoes clicking against the wooden floor. "Come on, someone is coming!"

A few seconds of silence passed, and the footsteps were getting closer.

His entire body drummed with his strong heartbeat, increasing with every step the stranger took. It could be Jean-and if it was, Levi wasn't sure he was ready to smash the little shit into Eren's moms' china.

"It's unlocked." Eren finally said behind the door.

"Of fuckin' course it is," Levi growled irritably under his breath before swinging the door open and shutting it quickly behind him.

Locking it, he waited a moment, heard someone walk to the door, twist the knob, a woman's voice groaned about it, and walk away. Levi himself sighed, but out of relief.

Levi turned around, instantly locking his eyes onto the brunet sitting on the toilet lid; the brunet was trying his hardest to wipe away a waterfall of tears. No matter how much he wiped, they just kept falling, and it broke Levi's heart.

"Why are you crying?" The ravenet crossed the room, sitting at eye level on the edge tub in front of the toilet. Reaching out a hand, he lifted Eren's chin, forcing those bright eyes to meet his. "Eren, talk to me."

It looked as if Eren was having a panic attack, and Levi was awful at this kind of thing. Quietly, he sat there, and rubbed Eren's knees, hoping it could do something to steady Eren's breathing.

Finally, after a long minute, Eren sucks in a deep breath.

"No one takes me seriously," the brunet spits angrily. "No one is listening."

"Listening to what?"

"Jean!" Eren sobs, brows furrowed irritably now. "He's dangerous, and no one cares! No one listens to me!"

"I am listening, Eren." Thin brows knit. "Why do you think I'm not?"

"Hanji had no problem cutting me off," Eren blurts, as if he'd been waiting to confront Levi. "You just let her do it!"

"Eren, you know Hanji, she has a big mouth."

"Whatever." The brunet grumbles, looking away again.

 _No, no, no, don't disconnect now._

"I know you're pissed, but you have to talk to me."

"I don't to do anything."

"Jaeger!" Levi exclaims angrily, and instantly regrets it. It was getting so fucking frustrating, and most of the time he used Eren's last name is when he was pissed off, and Eren knew this, and the tears began pouring again. His heart drops, and he tries to fix it. Levi lowers his voice, sighs, and resumes, "I can't listen if you're not going to talk to me. I love you, Eren. Please."

"I'm scared, Levi." The brunet sobs.

"Of Jean?"

"Yes-I'm terrified," Eren drawls, his voice shivering. "He's... insane."

"I don't get it. Why are you so scared around that chicken legged motherfucker?" The ravenet hisses, eyes locked dead on target to Eren's teary emeralds. "I know you can fight-I've seen you kick asses that are ten times the size of Jean-you've even kicked my ass! So what the hell is going on, Eren?!"

Eren must have been sick of getting snapped at, and Levi regret it again. He wasn't pissed at Eren, and yet his emotions kept breaking out. With cheeks bright red, the brunet gives Levi the deadliest stare he's ever received.

"Fine! You want to know?!" The brunet shoves past Levi to stand at the door, grabbing the knob tight, but not opening the door yet. Eren locks eyes with Levi, with flushed cheeks and knitted brows. "I've been waiting for something to bring me back here, because I wanted to see _you_! I knew you could help me! I knew everyone would help me, and stop siding with Jean for once!"

Shit, he hated when Eren yelled like this.

They were fighting again, and Levi could already feel everything slipping.

Levi inwardly cringed while Eren took a deep breath.

"Jean has been blackmailing me for three years," Eren lowers his voice, his voice trembling. "His husband is the professor at Shigashina University-the one that just opened here. Marco, is his name, and he offered me an invested grant if I came to the school, aced everything and passed. All I had to do was make the college look good."

"Okay..." Levi exhales deeply.

"I'm not done." Eren snaps. "Thing is, Marco doesn't know about Jean and I, because Marco is always gone on business trips, and his latest investment was the school. The guy… he's a fucking angel-he couldn't hurt a fly. But Jean… said that if I left him, or cheated on him, that he would tell Marco that I'm the one coming onto Jean, and ruin my chances of getting into uni."

The brunet blinks the tears out of his eyes, and takes one last trembling breath.

"I didn't go to California for _Jean_ , I went because Marco offered to help me, so long as I helped him with his books while the school was being built. I worked as his assistant, and made decent money doing it." Eren explains. "I never wanted to be involved with Jean, but I knew if I wanted a future, I had to. My grades in high school were mediocre at best, you know that. I never had a chance to get into university on my own."

Levi opens his mouth, but Eren interrupts him again with, "I'm still not done."

"I didn't leave you for Jean, and not even for the opportunity. I know you could have put me through community college. I was so unhappy when you worked all of the time, I was lonely that I felt like I could die."

He's obviously trying hard to keep his composure together, but his trembling chin shows all of the tell tale signs; this is hard for Eren, and admittedly, Levi was feeling his heart pull into his stomach.

"When I went to California, though, I realized I had... no fucking idea! I wanted to kill myself! And then mom died, and when Jean dropped me off here, I ran to your office as fast as I could." The brunet sobs, but quickly stifles it with the back of his hand. "I realized that it wasn't you I was unhappy with, it was just me and my own shit. I never wanted you to look down on me, so I just didn't tell you."

The silence hung so thick in the small room that it feels like Levi's breath had been forcibly sucked out of his lungs.

" _Okay_? Now you know," Eren shrugs, laughing bitterly. "I've been sucking a married man's dick for three years so I can have a chance in this world. You got me."

The ravenet couldn't process this all at once, but when he heard the knob turn, and Eren turn his back on him, he knew this was going to be the end-for good-unless he did something right here and now.

Panicking, Levi did the only thing he could do when the door cracked open.

Rushing across the room, he slams his palm against the door to shut again, and pulled Eren away from it, turning the brunet around to face him, but still at a loss for words as their eyes met.

Levi had rarely, ever used his damn tippy toes to do anything, but he put his stupid pride away, and cupped Eren's tear stained cheeks in his hands, rose onto his tippy toes, and placed a gentle, chaste kiss on the brunet's soft lips.

 _Think_ , Levi, think, God damn it.

A kiss wasn't going to speak for him, and it wasn't going to help anything.

There was hardly any time to think, frankly Levi didn't know what to think, and when they seperated, Levi held Eren's face in his hands still, shaking his head slightly.

"I don't know what to say, Eren, at least not right now," Levi begins. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but I just don't know yet."

Wracking his brain, he steps back, pulling the brunet with him, and turns Eren to look into the large, oval mirror hanging above the sink. Levi stands next to him, keeping a hand on the small of Eren's back.

Levi was not known for his silky smooth romance skills, and it was embarrassing for him to even try, but again, he stuffed his huge ego to the side.

"Look," Levi begins, looking back at Eren's reflection, who was watching him with a dead stare and hooded eyes. "I never thought I'd see you standing next to me, again, but here we are, Eren."

Emerald eyes begin to shift, but Levi interrupts him.

"Don't look at me," Levi looks back into the mirror. "I want you to look at _us_."

 _Christ, so corny. Ugh._

"Look at how far we've come." The ravenet watches a soft smile interrupt Eren's frown. "And after everything, it's still us."

"It's always us." Eren quietly mumbles, knowing that's exactly how Levi would have ended the sentence, finally allowing a smile to spread.

"Always," Levi repeats. "And I will _never_ let some scrawny little creep hurt you, or take you away from me."

"Levi…" Eren whimpers before throwing his arms around the ravenet's neck, and buries his face into ebony hair. "I'm so sorry."

Slowly, he wrapped his arms around the brunet's waist, breathing in the deep scent of his own cologne on Eren's neck. He misses the way Eren smelled before, with his own earthiness, and a tinge of honeysuckle-a bouquet of flowers, almost.

"We will talk more about this when we get home," Levi mumbles into Eren's chest. "For now, you need to worry about your moms' will. And I've left Hanji out there with "glass in her eye" for about 30 minutes now."

"What? In her eye?" Eren asks worriedly, staring dumbfounded at the ravenet.

"It's a long story." Levi shakes his head. "And Eren, don't worry about Jean anymore. I don't know how, but I will get you into that university, without that little shit. I won't let him hurt you anymore."

The brunet opens his mouth to speak, but closes it immediately, and smiles with a somber nod instead.

Levi knew Eren was keeping something from him-there was a concerned look in the brunet's eye, but he was terrified to press it further.


	9. But I Can Give You Tonight

**Authors Note:**

This chapter is short because the next part is moderately long.

 **BEFORE YOU READ:  
** I know this story was simple and mostly bland, and I failed to mention a lot of details I probably should have. This chapter I turned that around, and extended descriptions and such. I'll be going back and doing this to every chapter soon. I can only hope you guys like the change, because I realize I have sadly not been putting my all into writing and need to change that.

* * *

With that, they leave the restroom silently, hand in sweaty hand and uncaring as they step out into the crowd of people recollected near the table. The glass and cobbler was cleaned up, and all of the chattering stopped for only a moment for everyone to watch them drift to the side.

Eren's father wasn't in the room, and he was thankful for it. They were running out of time, and this tightrope they were walking was beginning to feel brittle under Levi's heavy boots, clunking against the floor, silver eyes darting left and right.

No, he was not prepared for this, and he was scared for Eren's safety most of all.

Thankfully, Levi knew exactly where to find Hanji, and that was either near food, or with booze-and sure enough, she was sitting in the kitchen with a half-full gold rimmed champagne glass, and her phone in the other, scrolling along Facebook with her long forest green acrylics.

"Finally!" She sets her phone down and huffs when she sees them. "That lady has been giving me death glares for the past half hour. I had to give her my last $20 just to get her to shut up about that damn bowl-which reminds me, you owe me $20."

"Fine," Levi rolls his eyes. "And thank you, for helping."

"That's what I'm here for, baby!" She fluffs the strands hanging from her messy bun playfully before taking a long finishing sip of her champagne.

"I'm going to go get the papers from dad," Eren's brittle voice reminds them. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, text me if you need me." Levi felt he was being too paranoid, but he wasn't going to let that piece of shit interfere with Eren's life anymore.

Now that the rotten hunk of flesh called truth was laid on the table, Levi realized it had decayed more than he knew. Inside of his chest was a pool of anger, seething into his ribcage and interrupting his usually calm breathing. The heat spread to his stomach, and his mouth salivated at the constant twist in his stomach, just willing for him to puke his guts out. Even his teeth were chattering from the numbing pain of his clenched jaw.

Save for Hanji's worrisome bickering, he swallowed the bile flavored lump in his throat, and stuffed his fists into his jean pockets.

"So what happened?" Setting her phone down, she leans across the table-the international sign of, _"Join me, we have shit to talk about."_

Occupying the seat across from her, he sighs heavily, mostly in hopes that it could smoothen out his unfamiliar, erratic breathing pattern. To no avail, though, and he instead clenched at the ring of keys in his pants pocket, letting the cool metal dig into the flesh of his palm.

The old friends had an unsaid promise between them, and there was no longer a need for the old high school mantra: _"don't tell anyone I told you, but…"_

They knew one another, and they knew when things should be repeated, and when things should be kept a secret between the two of them.

"Jean is… a fucking creep. Should probably just die." This is not what he wants to say, but his jaw is sore, and he was hoping it would buy him some time to readjust himself. It's not unbelievable when Hanji gives him that stare, that she was absolutely not sated with this poor comment. "Fine, I… I think Jean has been keeping Eren hostage. The shithead has a husband who works at Shinganshina University. So in return for Jean putting in a good word for Eren, Jean… made Eren…"

Stiffening, his mouth closes, and he's not sure why he can't bring himself to finish that sentence.

Unfocused eyes narrowing at the rings in the table, he knew why. That damn bastard had been molesting one of the most precious things on this Earth for the sake of what? A sick joke? A side hoe? Or did he even care at all to need a reason?

It disgusted Levi.

That lump returned.

"Levi?" From under her lashes, Hanji watches silver orbs remain motionless, still fixated on nothing at all. With a voice almost too soft, she leans closer, "Did Jean… did he… _rape_ Eren?"

"Might as well have!" The raven spits almost immediately. Just hearing that word made his blood run cold, and in seconds he had his hand out of his pocket, and landed his fist on top of the table with a swift punch. Ripping from his trance, he stands up quickly, nearly knocking the wooden chair onto polished tiles.

A pace starts, as Levi pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Married, too…," the redhead mumbles, her heart sounding heavy as she shakes her head. "We have to help Eren."

"No shit, dumbass." Levi snaps, realizing instantly that wasn't right. His furrowed brows softened, and he held his hands out apologetically. "... I didn't mean that, Zoe."

"I know, Levi." She nods, closing her eyes for a moment.

"All of this time…," Levi finds his seat again, leaning over to return to a mumble. He's relieved when Hanji does also, knowing she isn't upset with his outburst. "All of this time I thought he had left me. I thought he cheated on me. Turns out he's been trying to tell me for so long."

Now that Levi thinks about it, all of their rare texts were strange. They were usually initiated by Eren, and the conversation went on for far too long, sometimes even days of double texts. Sometimes there were drunk calls, but Levi only assumed it was just Eren being a strange ex.

"I should have listened more." Shaking his head, he bites the knuckle of his thumb and his voice is muffled as he resumes. "I could have done something so much sooner if I wasn't a shithead failure."

"Hey, _motherfucker_ , don't you _dare_ start that _shit_ with me," Hanji slams her palm against the cheap table, and her rings slam sharp enough to make Levi jump in his seat. The damn thing was going to break with all of this abuse. Still, Levi snaps out of it, and their eyes meet. She points a finger straight in his face, and without missing a beat, scolds him like a child, "Don't you even fucking _go_ there, Levi. It's not your fault, and you know it, and I don't want to hear _shit_ about you blaming yourself again. Do you understand me, Levi fuckin' Ackerman?"

God help if this were anyone else, Levi would have leapt over this piece of shit table and gouge their eyes out with a baby spoon.

Hanji was right, though, he knew that.

"I understand." He simple mumbles.

"Now, instead of wallowing in self pity, we need to think of how to handle this," her natural detective work came out. Leaning back into her seat, she crosses her arms. "Jean was here earlier, but I don't think he recognized me-either that, or he just assumed I was here alone for Eren. Either way, we need to get Eren out of here."

"We'll leave as soon as he comes back." The ravenet closes his eyes solemnly, knowing this was out of his hands until Eren returned.

"So we wait."

Hanji had made herself another drink, but Levi hardly paid attention. Constantly, he checked his phone, watching minutes go by painfully slow, and with every minute he was growing worried that Jean had already gotten a hold of Eren.

Finally having enough, and growing impatient, Levi was just getting out of his seat when Eren returned with red eyes and a clogged nose. Under his arm was a manila folder stuffed to the brim with papers.

Poor kid was going to do this all by himself?

No, Levi would offer his help. Even if Eren didn't allow it.

The sun was just beginning to set when they skillfully left the house without a trace, and they piled into the car in silence. Levi, still fuming, stalled for a bit as he twisted the steering wheel in his shaking hands.

This was the worst mistake he could have made, and he should have left immediately.

The ravenet was just putting the keys in the ignition when all three of them looked up at the sound of screeching tires. The rearview mirror revealed the acclaimed forest green car behind a cloud of dust.

Out steps Jean-tall, lanky Jean, with his eyes wide and bugged out. His pale lips were moving, and his face grew red, Levi assumed he was screaming, but couldn't make it out.

"What the fuck…" the ravenet grumbles, and rolls his window down only slightly.

"-out of the car, Eren! Don't piss me off!"

That was the last bit that Levi, and all he needed to hear. Turning the car over, Levi shifted into reverse, and in his fit of rage, stomped onto the gas pedal with all of the force his leg could muster. It would be a lie if it wasn't satisfying to ram his rear-end into Jean's pretty little hood ornament, though.

 _"_ _Oh, you fuck!"_

The piece of shit screeches wildly, and Levi only catches a glimpse of Jean getting back into his car before the ravenet peels the fuck out, tires burning and all.

"I'm calling the police!" Eren sobs, all of his papers falling to the car floor as he panicked to find his phone.

"No," Hanji grips his shoulder tightly, and through her glasses, her amber eyes grow dark. "That won't help anything-for all the police know, Levi just backed into his car, and Jean would get away with it, and Levi would have to pay up for the damage."

"What're you saying?" The brunet cries wildly.

"We _can't_ go to the police," she replies coolly. "Not yet. Jean technically hasn't done anything."

 _Be a God damned cop_ , _already_ , Levi rolls his eyes, and mid eye roll, he glances in his rearview. To his horror, there's a dark mustang closing in behind them.

"What if he's tailing us?" The ravenet blurts. "Is _that_ reason enough?"

"What?" The redhead spins in her seat, and gasps at how close and fast Jean's car is approaching. "Levi, drive- _fast_!"

The pedal is pressed against the floor, but it doesn't seem to be putting much distance between them. Eren is stuck in a mantra of cries, rocking in his seat, mumbling, "Oh, my God, he's going to kill us…"

"Eren, what are you saying?" Hanji asks, pulling on his shoulder. It takes a few more attempts of repeating the question, but Eren finally stops mumbling, and begins breathing hard, to which Hanji soothes him the best she can. "Eren, Jean is not going to kill anyone. I need you to talk to me, though."

After a few seconds of blubbering, Eren is able to cry out, "He-He's going to kill us-he-he knows that I-I caught him."

"Doing what, Eren?" Her voice was stern.

"D-D-Drugs-he d-deals drugs."

"I thought you said he was a fuckin' mechanic!" The ravenet nearly screams. When Eren flinches, he instantly regrets it.

"It's a front," Hanji said, and Eren nodded vigorously.

"I-I tried to t-tell you earlier!" The brunet cries into his hands, that claw at his bangs and cradle his head into his lap. The rocking mantra starts again, "He's going to k-kill us… he's g-going to kill us…"

"No he's not, Eren." Levi says, despite knowing the brunet was probably too far gone.

The boiling blood in Levi's chest had long ended-no, now it was simmering, burning his ribcage into chars, evaporating until his entire body was coated in a thick cold sweat.

 _Bleep, bleep, bleep._

Gray eyes widened as he followed the sound.

"We're running out of gas…" his trembling voice is so low he's unsure anyone heard him, and he's glad for that, save for the fact he had absolutely no idea what to do now.

If Jean was a drug dealer, there was a 99.9% chance he had a gun, and if this car stopped, Levi feared for the worst possible outcome.

He wasn't ready to die-not now-he had just gotten Eren back, his life was just starting to go right, and he realized with tears beginning to pool in his eyes, that for once in his life, he was terrified of dying.

Like hell he was going to die here.

Now Levi understood why Eren was so afraid. That kid had never been shy about shutting people down, kicking their asses and putting them in their place. Eren's teeth leaked venom-but with a gun to his head, Levi now understood everything.

The engine sputtered once.

 _No, please._

And again, jerking the car.

 _Please, God, please, no!_

One last time, and the soft clicking of the scorching engine echoed like a ticking bomb in his ears.

 _What the fuck do I do?_

Glancing around the car, he noticed both Eren and Hanji were staring horrified at him; they looked away when Jean's car came to a screeching U-turn and stopped right in front of them.

"Levi…" Eren's little, broken voice danced circles around his head. "I'm so sorry…"

 _Don't you do it, Eren_ , Levi wanted to say, but his throat was closing in as a single, hot, fat tear streamed down his face.

 _No._

Don't do it.

 _No._

Eren's hand was reaching for the handle.

 _No._

Jean was getting out of his own car.

 _No!_

Levi's lips opened barely, sucking in a single, trembling breath.

Never had the ravenet moved so quickly. Pulling Eren back into the car was first, and the door slammed back shut with the force. To the glovebox Levi nearly broke the handle to get it open, and pulled out a small pocket knife, about half the size of his hand and the years of neglection made it difficult to even pop out the blade.

 _Don't bring a knife to a gun fight, Levi._

 _Whatever._

"Levi, no!" Eren wailed.

"I love you," Levi interrupted dryly, trying his best to bite back his tears as Eren's small hands grabbed desperately at Levi's sweater. "I love you so much. Do you understand me?"

 _I'm going to die._

 _Jean will shoot me before I can even get close._

 _I'll die._

 _…_ _That's fine._

"Levi, stop, _please_ , **_**stop**_**!" The brunet buckled over from screaming so loud.

"There's a tank of gas in the trunk," Levi was directing this to Hanji, even though he couldn't take his eyes off of Eren. "Please, Zoe, please, get him out of here."

And like that, it seemed Hanji herself was pulled out of her trance.

"Shut the hell up, Levi." She growled shortly, and swung her own door open. Before her door shut, Levi heard her hiss, "You're scaring him."

Now Levi realized how Eren felt. Desperately he wanted to claw Hanji back into the car, but his body was paralyzed as he watched Hanji carelessly stomping into the middle of the road.

The next thing he knew, Hanji's hand was digging into the back of her pants, and a tiny pistol revealed itself. Flawlessly, she pointed it straight at Jean.

"Get back in your fucking car before I shoot both of your big ass ears off!"

Hanji might be police material, but damn her catchphrases needed work-nevertheless, Jean's confident posture turned to mush, and to Levi's surprise, the idiot held both of his hands up defensively.

"Get the fuck out of here! If I see you again, I will fucking _kill_ you, motherfucker!"

Levi couldn't help but to release one, wry, hysterical yelp of a laugh as the tears he'd held back poured slowly down his cheeks.


	10. And a Memory for the Rest of Your Life

**Suicide and self harm warning!**

 **Authors Note:**

I wrote this a while back to introduce their pasts, and it seemed to dark to post and I was worried no one would want to continue reading it. Now when I think about it though, its exactly how I wanted to portray them, and their will to fight for one another.

This will be resumed in a series of flashbacks, and I will complete their story in due time!

* * *

Back in high school, Levi had been the top shit, top dog, the top of the fucking food chain. No one dared to cross his path, and scrawny shit starting fuck boys knew better than to even step in his way. He'd come out of the closet years ago. Didn't care if anyone tried to start shit with him, because a faggot could still swing harder than half of these pieces of shit in this school. There had only been one fucking little problem, and his name was Eren Jaeger, and no matter how loud Levi screamed, how close he sneered, how rough he pushed, this fucking bright eyed dumbass seemed like he wanted his ass kicked into place.

Levi wasn't rude, he wasn't a bully-he just didn't have time for this shit. With his mother falling ill, and going through dysphoria of never knowing who his father was, he didn't have time for these fucking children.

Levi didn't fucking have friends.

What a privilege it must have been, though, to have someone to go home and chat with, to come to school and see, to hang out after class-but no, Levi didn't have time for that shit. He didn't care.

At least, he thought.

Two more problems rose after Eren Jaeger-Hanji Zoe, and some dumb shit named Nanaba-he couldn't even mock the name, because it did it by itself. Poor fucking kid. Levi couldn't even tell if it was a woman or man.

Nevertheless, when he'd caught these three assholes pestering him, making bets on who would lay him first, and fighting over him, he decided he had enough.

It wasn't fucking flattering. It wasn't anything.

It took three months for Levi to muster up a plan, to get these three to compete, mostly for his own amusement.

Hanji was a fucking freak, she had no idea what she wanted besides to lose her virginity.

Nanaba was carefree, only seemingly wanting to be with Levi because they had shared a joint at a party once-which Levi had no memory of, he assumed because he was high out of his mind.

And Eren, fuck all knows about that kid. The brunet with golden skin, and big, shimmering jade eyes would hardly talk about it, and always too shy to fess up. Levi had ultimately given up on him, and gladly gave him the cold shoulder.

Meanwhile, Nanaba had been in the lead, because a careless fuck sounded like music to Levi's ears, more than anything at the moment.

So he plotted his plan, invited the kid to his house, lubed himself up, stretched himself out, practiced kissing into the darkness of his bedroom. Never would he admit he was a virgin, better yet that he hadn't even had his first kiss.

But when the moment came, when Nanaba was throwing rocks at his window on the second floor, when the blond was sneaking in through his backdoor, he realized the feeling of those thin lips on his repulsed him. Hungry, sloppy lips, still wet from alcohol and offering Levi a flask with silky words. Not much more be said about it.

The affection made him sick to his stomach.

Levi had kicked Nanaba out before they even reached the doorframe.

He repressed it quickly, and avoided the other two with everything in his power.

Hanji Zoe was the persistent one, and without much of a warm welcome, she had invaded herself into his life. At lunch, she sat with him, while he preferred to sit alone. During class, she requested they sit together, and the teachers' pet she was, it was easily made so.

It wasn't until weeks later that he realized Hanji wasn't just trying to get a quick fuck, but she was different. Not like Levi-no. Hanji was fucking shrill, her hands were always in motion when she spoke, she was always the first to raise her hand during class, and Levi despised this. He was quiet, and minded his own business, but Hanji was always butting into it.

It wasn't long, though, she had caught him with a joint behind the bleachers, and an exposed scar dragging horrifically across his thin, malnourished wrist. Usually he'd have his sleeves down, but damn this nosey bitch, she had snuck up on him.

It was then Levi realized, maybe, just maybe, he needed to break down.

And with seconds of silence, of staring at one another, he felt like his entire being had been cracked open and exposed. The tears flowed, his voice broke a sad, "Fuck off, Hanji! You're so fucking annoying, you know that?!"

But Hanji was there to catch him before he fell into the chalky, red mud.

Levi had found himself on the ground though, dusting his jeans with dirt and mud, but Hanji sat there with him, for hours, listening to the silence behind the school-and to Levi's surprise, he finished the sunset with a quiet,

"Zoe… I didn't mean that."

Leaving the redhead with one last sentiment.

 _"_ _I'm sorry."_

She had accepted his apology without much knowledge of what he was apologizing for. With a pearly grin, she had forgiven him, and went their separate ways.

It was the next day that Levi came to school, no longer feeling like the tough shit he once was. Be it his breakdown, or his glooming loneliness, he just didn't feel. Not even when he saw Hanji at lunch, not even when he caught that dork, Eren, stealing glances at him. Not when he finished a joint underneath the bleachers, all by his lonesome.

There was a looming sadness in his chest, spinning in circles until it became intertwined and so tight he was sure he couldn't breathe, and the feeling he had once felt had returned.

In the school bathroom he locked the door and glared at his own reflection, repulsed so much that his stomach churned.

His ugly, skinny, short reflection.

Silver eyes that were once stern were now inflamed, red, and too tired to hold his eyelids up. In one swift punch, the reflection had disappeared, replaced with shattered glass and a rainbow of colors reflecting off of the fluorescent fixtures.

It was only a matter of time before this happened, he realized, as he stared at his broken face, his stifled sobs echoing off of the bathroom tiles.

It was only a matter of time.

That, somehow, was the most comforting thought, as his body drained of warmth, as the shard of glass had practically auto piloted over his veins, clearing his pale arm of veiny blue, and staining his porcelain skin with a silky red.

Eyes wide, he almost didn't understand what he had done as he stared down at his injury.

Was this really happening again?

Levi sighed.

 _Again?_

His body slumped against the counter, landing roughly onto the tiles.

 _Again._

His mother would be better off-he knows deep down she wanted an abortion, anyway.

 _Again._

She just didn't have the money to afford it.

 _Again._

Vision going dark, Levi rolled his head back, staring up at those damn flickering lights.

 _Again._

Nothing would interrupt him now.

 _Again._

His body was becoming cold.

 _Again._

This was taking too long.

The bathroom door had began screaming, thumping, knob rattling.

 _Please, not again._

Levi closed his eyes, hopeful it would all go away soon.

 _Just let it happen._

The sound of splitting wood rang around his head. Blurry, muffled. It all sounded strange.

 _Please just let it happen._

Wrist limp across the tiles, he watched as the pool of red spread around him before everything became foggy.

And the next thing he knew, there were bright, green eyes staring at him. A hysterical, hoarse voice began screaming, begging for help, for someone.

And all Levi could wonder is… _how?_

 _How did Eren find him?_

Thoughts were cut short by blackness, and when he'd awoken again, he was tightly tucked into clean, pristine white bed sheets. The sun shone hard against the white room, and he felt blinded as he opened his groggy eyes.

All he remembered was his mother thanking God, wailing onto his chest, her hot tears streaming down his neck as he swallowed hard, his eyes petrified, staring up at the popcorn on the ceiling.

 _"_ _I didn't mean it."_

This is what he told everyone, even his own mother, even Zoe, even Nanaba, who had only asked out of curiosity when he'd snuck through Levi's window. They shared a spliff, and no matter how stoned he was, he just couldn't open up to him.

Those emerald eyes, however, they haunted him.

 _Why? Why, Eren, why?_

Levi wasn't thankful. If anything, he was simply angry and spiteful.

After three months of rehab, anger management, and kissing ass just to get his way through, he was finally in front of his home again, with his mothers' trembling hands wrapped around his shoulders.

And who was sitting on his God damned porch?

"Your… Your friend wanted to stop by to see y-you," his mother had cried weakly, choking up here and there. "Isn't… Isn't that nice, honey?"

That was the day Levi informed Eren with grit teeth and a fist full of a baby blue sweater, "I fucking hate you."

It was three months later when Levi was accepted back into his school, with no charges for damages, and teachers constantly gnawing their nails for the next time Levi would slit his wrist in the deadass center of class. Rulers, pencil sharpeners and scissors had been revoked from Levi's rights, and he was forced to drop his biology classes.

It would have been easier to have just died, than have constant stares on him, especially those emerald eyes burning holes into the back of his head from the back of the class.

It was three months after that when Levi's mom had become too stressed working as a full time waitress, and she had to work on the exact day that Hanji invited him to a party, only two blocks from his house.

With nothing to lose, he had gone.

And there, he held a shitty margarita that an inexperienced, 17 year old Hanji had made him.

Eren had the God damn balls to sit across him, with a cheap beer in his hand and smiling sadly at his friends, playing cards in front of him, as if nothing had ever happened.

Silver eyes pierced through Eren, even if the shithead wasn't going to look at him.

And it was then, Levi didn't realize Hanji had snapped a photo of the two.


	11. It's Okay, You're Okay

**Authors Note:**

After this chapter I will get back into the story. u u

Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! It is what keeps me writing this. c:

* * *

" _Tell me why, Eren!"_

Why was Levi remembering this now?

" _Tell me why you didn't just leave me!"_

Stop thinking.

" _You should have let me die!"_

Levi winces.

" _I didn't ask for this..."_

How did Eren ever fall in love with him?

Levi tried blocking out the horrible things he had said to Eren as they drove the long stretch of road. The brunet was passed out in the passenger seat, snoring softly, his head leaned against the back of the seat. Even with his mouth agape, he looked pristine.

" _You didn't give me a chance, Levi, you stupid fuck!"_ Eren's shrill voice rang through his ears, Eren's small hands shoved his chest, repeatedly, until he was cornered. " _You didn't even let me into your life-and I might be selfish, but that's not fuckin' fair, so fuck you, you stupid fucking fuck, God damn it!"_

Yeah, that was the Eren he remembered. Always fighting, always prepared.

Whatever it be in Levi, something kept him from kicking Eren's ass that night.

" _What do you want from me?!"_ That night, at the party, Levi retaliated.

" _I just wanted you to like me."_ Is all the brunet said. Sadly, quietly, practically defeated. Those eyes that were usually glimmering and bright were now dull. Levi looked for the spark in them, but his eyes were too hooded, and he blinked lazily as he stared at the ground.

" _Why? So we can be high school sweethearts, run off into the sunset, get married and live happily fucking after?"_

Who knew, that the moment that Eren Jaeger nodded, it would have sealed that statement into their fate. At that moment, though, when Eren had nodded, be it the alcohol, or the fact that Levi was getting tired of yelling, he gave Eren a chance. For hours they sat near the river behind Hanji's house, and the first laugh Eren had gotten out of Levi was when he tried those shitty margaritas Zoe had made. The brunets face twisted, and he smacked his lips at the sour lime.

" _Fine."_ Levi had spat after sitting there for three hours, his cat like eyes glaring daggers at a defenseless brunet. " _Do whatever you want."_

The last thing he expected was for Eren to lean over and place a chaste, gentle kiss on his lips. And like hell, the last thing he wanted was for his heart to up and start beating into his suddenly tight throat.

That didn't feel like it had with Nanaba.

There was the faint trace of lime and tequila on Eren's breath, but it was nothing like Nanaba practically intoxicating him with one kiss.

Disappointment showed obvious on Levi's face when the brunet pulled away, and his eyes averted back to the ground, while Levi could only watch in awe.

" _I'm sorry."_ Eren began shuffling to get up. " _I'm sorry, that wasn't… I'm sorry."_

The ravenet let him go, and he sat by the lake for hours, hugging his knees and staring into the muddy water, letting the cool air surround him, trying to steady his heart, trying to think about anything except Eren fucking Jaeger-to no avail. Even the two jagged scars on his wrist couldn't take his mind off of the foreign warmth in his heart.

Only did he go back inside when he knew everyone would be asleep. Zoe was still awake, and cleaning up the several beer cans scattered everywhere, so he helped her in silence, while she chattered on and on about this and that. He wasn't listening until she stopped and sighed.

" _So… Eren?"_

She was smart.

At the time he had told her to mind her business and drop it, and she did, much to his surprise. Later in the night though, while the two of them were thrown back in lounge chairs, staring blankly at some shit on Adult Swim with margaritas almost finished, did he ask her:

" _... Which room is Eren sleeping in?"_

Much to his liking, he was also informed Armin had driven a sleepy Mikasa home because she had a test in the morning. That meant Eren was a lone, and much to his disliking, Levi felt like a creep while he stood in the doorway of the guest bedroom. A lamp by the bed was illuminating the tacky forest green walls, and Eren was sleeping on top of the floral throw blanket.

Except, Levi realized, after he had exhaled one trembling breath, those emerald eyes opened slowly and stared directly at him. There were remnants of tears on his face.

Levi had no idea what he was doing when he stepped in and shut the door behind him, but the first words out of his mouth were:

"I don't want to be here, Eren. I wish you would have let me died," his voice solemn. "But if you think I'm worth keeping around, then I'll stick around, I guess."

From there, the night stretched on, and neither of them had slept that night. Eren had sat up, and Levi carefully had crawled into the bed with Eren, his heart pounding so loud he was sure even Hanji could hear it from the next room. They laid there for an hour, awkwardly staring at the ceiling, and Levi tried to answer every question best he could.

"How did you find out you were gay?" Eren asked, a sort of smile gently spreading his lips.

"Daddy issues, I guess." Levi snorted. "Never had one. Made me look at men more. How about you?"

"Maybe the same. My dad is barely around." Eren shrugs. "But also… my first kiss was on my freshmen day, and Armin was getting bullied for looking feminine, so I kissed him in front of everyone, and told them they should shove it until they tell the difference between a gay man and a kid with bone marrow problems."

"Brutal." The ravenet laughs shortly.

"Could have been better. After that though, I found out I kind of liked kissing dudes."

"How many dudes did it take for you to figure that out?"

"Just three, including you."

Levi hummed in response, and continued sharing small secrets with Eren throughout the night, and actually found himself enjoying learning about the kid. Eren was an only child, but his parents helped raise Mikasa when her parents died. She'd since gotten her own place, and Eren admitted how lonely it is around the house.

Levi on the other hand told Eren about his lack of father, not even knowing his name or what he looks like, and his mothers dwindling health because she never had time to eat or sleep. That one time Levi had caught her stealing food from work and taking only a minute to eat it in the bathroom. How she snuck him free food when no one was looking.

Eren was a rich, silver spoon kid, Levi learned. And it seemed Eren caught on that they were poor, living in a dingy two story wooden house that was impossible to heat up at night. There were numerous nights Levi and his mother had slept in bed together, sharing one radiator at the foot of the bed.

"Is that why did you did... it?" Eren had caught him off guard with that question.

"My mother can't afford me. I bring her down," Levi answered honestly. "I don't know how to make friends. School is shitty, people are idiots. I wanted to make it easier for people. My existence benefits no one."

"It does now." The brunet rolled onto his side, and gently brushed the stray hairs out of Levi's face. "You have Hanji, and me. No matter how annoying Nanaba is… he was upset when he found out. He cried."

"What?" Turning his head, thin brows furrowed. "Why?"

"I guess the same reason we all did." Eren answers with a shrug. "It hurt Hanji the most, I think."

"You guys barely know me…"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "We want to know you, and we're your friends."

There was a million things Levi could have said to discourage that statement. The glimmer in Eren's eyes, however, held his mouth shut.

"I see." Levi whispered instead. "But what do you want?"

"I just like your company, Levi." The brunet answered so quietly, Levi almost didn't hear it.

"Me too."

This feeling in his chest only became intense as jade eyes never left his. His entire body felt numb, while his chest was drumming a million beats a second, and his hand shook when he extended it, and held a gente palm on Eren's soft cheek. For minutes, Levi played with the baby hair above Eren's ear, curling it gently and lazily with his thumb.

For minutes he considered his next move, and tried to find any reason not to pursue a relationship with Eren. There wasn't one, though, and Levi realized he enjoyed Eren's company. This warmth in his chest spread from his chest, and coursed through his entire body. Unsure of what it was, he didn't care. It was a pleasant feeling, and he didn't want it to go away.

"How did you find me in that bathroom?" Was the ravenet's final question.

"I was with Hanji that day, behind the bleachers, and she said she was going to help me talk to you." The brunet answers slowly. "When you didn't come to class the next day, I knew something was wrong… and there is only one bathroom in the school that locks."

"What if you just broke in on some idiot snorting drugs?"

"Dunno," the brunet shrugs, placing his own warm hand over Levi's. "Either way, I knew the door shouldn't have been locked. No matter what it was, I knew it was something wrong."

Eren's gentle hand brushed over Levi's wrist, his body flinching when he feels the swollen marks still inflaming Levi's skin.

"... I'm sorry you had to see that, Eren."

There was nothing he could say to make it right, and he knew that.

Levi didn't move his hand-if anyone deserved to look at the disgusting scars, it was at least the one who saved him. To his surprise though, Eren kept his hand moving, never once when showing interest in the scars.

"I watched you die." A brittle voice breathed out. Every string in Levi's heart was jerked right down, and that warmth suddenly turned his blood freezing cold. "There was so much blood… I tried to keep it all in… but it just wouldn't stop."

Levi now desperately wanted a smoke as he remembered Eren's usual gentle, quiet voice turn hoarse that day. All of the screaming, begging, pleading, requests for Levi to stay, the hot tears falling onto his face as Eren tried desperately to hold Levi up, the way Eren's shoes squeaked against the bloody tiles.

The ravenet squeezed his eyes shut tight and buried his face into the pillow, his entire body cringing as he tried to stop the memories. The last thing he wanted to do was accidentally hurt Eren, so he removed his hand, and instead hugged himself tightly.

At first he tried to push away as Eren pulled his body closer, but eventually allowed it, and didn't fight the brunet wrapping his long arms around Levi's shoulders. With teeth grit, he dug his nails into his hair as he pressed his face into the brunet's chest. There was a horrible ringing in his head, and he could feel a scream building up that he tried to breathe away, only resulting into him hyperventilating against Eren's warm body.

The last thing he wanted to do was ruin another person, and now he only feared Eren was going to forever be traumatized; that he'll be scared of him, like everyone else, and put him on a suicide watch for the rest of his damn life.

"Never do that to me again." Eren had broken the silence, his voice stern, almost foreign, but with an unmistakable quiver as he sniffled.

"I won't," he answered quickly. This time Levi's voice was trembling. "I won't. I won't. I promise."

It took hours until Levi could calm down, until the sun was rising and illuminating the room with a peaceful gold. Eren hadn't left his side, and held him through the night, eyes tired but still full of love when Levi finally looked up at him with swollen silver eyes.

Levi thanked Eren the only way he knew how, and finally, gave Eren the first kiss that he deserved. Not a kiss with drunks, not a kiss with a friend, but the best one that Levi's inexperienced lips could make.

The rest of the morning they laid there, experimenting different techniques, introducing their tongues slowly, taking everything one step at a time. Feeling the warm skin underneath Eren's shirt, relishing in the sounds the brunet made as Levi played with his body, hands trailing any and everywhere Eren would allow.

"We don't have to do this, Levi…" Eren had assured him.

"I want to…" he whispered between the kisses. "Let me give you something special."

"Are you sure…?"

Ebony hair tickled Eren's face as the ravenet nodded.

"Let me give you…" cautiously, watching Eren's face for objection, he lifted the brunet's shirt over his head, kissing between Eren's breast bones, and watching emerald eyes flutter shut. " _A memory for the rest of your life."_

The photo sitting in Levi's pocket weighed heavy now, as all of these memories came rushing back to him. The exit he should have taken, he had missed, and decided to let Eren and Zoe sleep some more. It was refreshing, driving on the long and empty roads, remembering who they used to be.

When he looked at Eren's sleeping pout, he still remembers waking up next to that 15 year old brunet, bare bodies still holding each other tightly, sharing their warmth underneath the thick blanket. Eren hadn't left him then, and Eren hadn't left him now.

And there was nothing Levi could do, to ever explain to Eren how his heart swells, and it's only thanks to him that he is alive to experience it.


End file.
